Heather says that she didn't ruin Daisy's life, Daisy's slutty-ass actions ruined her own life. Basically, she should stop dragging her OWN heart around. Rikki tries to calm the girls down, to no avail. They squabble about whether Daisy actually wants to look like Heather, and Daisy gets all up in Heather's face. Heather is built like a Mack truck. This is the wrong move. Stand back, Daisy. You are on the edge of seventeen beatings. Heather gives Daisy a hard shove, and Daisy comes back at her, and then Heather just grabs on to Daisy's hair and starts punching. Shouldn't Big John be jumping up there like the Springer bodyguard? After several quality right hooks to the head, Bret manages to pull Heather off of Daisy. Thank goodness, because I don't think Daisy has all that many intact brain cells to spare. Daisy storms off of the set, as Heather and Bret head off of the stage the opposite way. As Bret drags her out, Heather says to him, "You always take her side." She is seeing her reflection in the snow covered hills right now. Rikki Rachtman is all, "Shama-lama-ding-dong" as he throws it to commercials.
When we return, Rikki Rachtman acts all incensed even though he coveted and totally helped to create this situation. Daisy is back on set after reattaching her eyelashes and extensions. Heather is, like, in jail or something I guess. And it was not the most dignified move for Heather to punch Daisy in the head repeatedly, but at the same time Daisy gets a whole lot of slack for being so wee and helpless looking. If Inna Tuna had waved her finger in Heather's face and called her a bitch, we would all much more tempted to say that she deserved what she got. And then Daisy is dismissed, because it's time to talk about Ambre, who actually won the show. We get the Ambre montage, and are reminded yet again that Ambre was almost eliminated on the first episode. Motorbikes, mudbowl, bloody knees, past lives, panty-free dining, hot monkey sex. It's the trajectory of a great romance.
Ambre comes onstage, looking pretty good. She and Bret smooch, and still seem like something of an odd pairing. They sit together, and Ambre tells us what an incredible, fate-filled journey this has been. Bret tells us that on the very first night, he thought that Ambre was on the phone with her boyfriend, and that's why he was going to let her go. But it was all a mistake, and look where they are now! With the greatest love of all. Bret says how beautiful Ambre looks, and that it's awesome and he's excited and horny. And then Ambre starts giggling and, like, doesn't stop. Either what her life has become has sunk in and she's completely mortified, or Bret banged the wig off of her backstage and she still hasn't recovered. Bret confesses that he's a rocker and a rule breaker, and thus he and Ambre snuck in a little boom boom in the months after the show stopped filming. Ambre got to go backstage at a Bret Michaels show, and in Bret's tour bus, and it turned her into a giggling maniac. Seriously, you're 37, woman. Get it together. And then Rikki brings up the whole Sharon Stone moment -- a landmark event in televisual history, for sure.