Rock of Love

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Reunited and It Feels Like a Punch to the Head

Daisy says that she heard the reason Kristy Joe left was because she had heard exes were coming on and knew she was going to be fucked. Oh, you mean like you, yourself, were fucked, Daisy? If any of you are feeling like Daisy deserves a punch in the head, you will totally be in luck in about ten minutes. Aubrey jumps to Kristy Joe's defense again, which cues the lez-be-friends montage of Aubrey and Kristy Joe. Ha ha lesbians are hilarious. Twat? I cunt hear you over the montage! My TV suddenly smells like fish, though. You will be surprised to know that Bret is turned on right now. Anyway, Aubrey assures us that she and Kristy Joe are in fact just platonic friends. Except in Aubrey's mind. We get thrown to commercials with Peyton singing a song she wrote about Bret. It has the words "Bret Michaels" in it a lot. Billboard Top 40 all the way!

When we return from commercials, it's time for the reintroduction of Heather. The crowd goes wild, giving her a standing ovation. She should get a standing ovation for wearing that sequined headband alone. Daisy, however, gives her the finger. Oh, just wait. Rikki asks Heather what the biggest differences are between the girls from season one and season two. Heather thinks that the season one girls were more real, whereas the season two girls were fake, desperate followers. With the exception of Destiney, whom she loves. Rikki asks if Daisy is Heather's girl, too, and Heather diplomatically says, "I don't know her, I just know the things she does." Rikki thinks that Heather was hard on Daisy at times. Heather says all she did was bring the things that Daisy has done in her life to the table. Bret mentions the time that Heather hit Daisy in the face with a bottle. He's cracking up when he says it, though. Heather's all, "I just splashed her with some Red Bull!" It's not like she punched her in the head repeatedly or anything.

We get a montage of Heather's greatness, and Heather's meanness, which are sometimes indistinguishable. This is intermingled with a montage of how much Bret wants to bang Daisy at all times, except for when her ex Charles is in the room, and also features Daisy squealing like a bat when her web of lies and deceit and deception is exposed. And then, of course, Daisy getting dumped on the finale and tearing her weave to bits with her own hands.

Oh, and THEN. Rikki invites Daisy to come up to the stage and sit next to Heather. That is a GREAT idea. I mean, say what you will about what happens in a few minutes, but these bitches are totally setting the scene for some girl-on-girl violence. Daisy admits that she was very hurt when Bret rejected her, and she had a hard time getting over it. See, she and Heather should totally be forming a sisterhood! They had, like, the exact same pathetic experience. Daisy brings up how Bret always talked about them only having a physical connection. This pissed her off, because he shut down her attempts to get to know him and saw her merely as a hank of hair and a pair of silicone bags. Bret says that there were too many unanswered questions. Blah blah blah. Daisy then says that they slept together on their last date in Mexico. Heather points out that Daisy hooked up with Bret the whole time she was on the show. Daisy's defense is that she couldn't help it. In all fairness, I would feel the same way were I on Rock of Clooney. But I wouldn't whine about it afterwards. Daisy says that as she is a girl, and was vulnerable at the end of that last night, Bret could have just suggested that they cuddle. Bret is all, "Jigga-wha?" Instead of cuddling, Bret took advantage of her. Oh, sweet innocent Daisy. How could she have been led so astray?

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Rock of Love

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