Constandina tells us that Bret misunderstood the whole "vow of celibacy" thing. She actually came on the show because she was looking for the right person with whom to come out of the vow. Bret is all, "You could have told me this before, crack monkey." Seriously, though, I don't even think Bret wanted to hit that. In other news, is it just me or does the name "Constandina" make you have a strange craving for Carnation Instant Breakfast? Okay, just me. Whatever, I'm gonna love it in an instant on my own. Constandina says that Bret is a very spiritual person, who gets distracted by the physical realm. Bret nods quite seriously and says, "Right," which makes me nervous. If he goes into Celebrity Rehab for a sex addiction I QUIT. Constandina wants to give him a reminder of his spiritual side. It's a bedazzled third eye that she puts right on his bandana! Ha! Bret quips that he now has a fourth eye, then apologizes and sincerely thanks Constandina. The editors throw in a giant sparkle emanating from the third eye, which is amazing. Constandina doesn't want Bret to forget that he's a wonderful spirit, because he has the entire universe at his disposal, and not just earthly things. Bret says that he feels a spiritual something-or-other coming on very soon. I'm voting for a vow of silence.
When we return from commercials, Riki asks how many of the cast members found love on the rebound. Several raise their hands. A couple are engaged and/or married, and someone is even pregnant! I do not recognize her at all and we never follow up, but we do get a shot of Maria clapping so know that whatever mysterious ailment she had didn't actually kill her. Thanks for that closure, VH1!
Riki tells us that for more than a few of the girls, the Rock of Love bus was fueled with alcohol. We go to the clips, which feature our good friend Marcia, who ate Doritos, vomited, and kissed Bret, in that order. The first few episodes of this show really were the greatest. And then ha! Marcia throws chips at Ashley, and Ashley dumps beer on Marcia, and then Marcia chokes Ashley! Oh, I'm going to build a ranch house on this Memory Lane, I love it so! And then there's DJ Lady Tribe, who was such a delight for the brief time that we knew her. All the drugs she took were legal, in case you forgot. I can't believe there's no footage of the twat shot! That was legendary. DJ Lady Tribe, Marcia and Gia come up to sit on the couch. Marcia looks gorgeous, and Bret tells her so. Gia looks pretty good too. DJ Lady Tribe looks just how you'd think she'd look.