Riki asks Marcia if she regrets drinking gallons of tequila, or anything else. She does not. She says that she came in and was real from the beginning to the end. She was herself, and honest. And her honest self is a possibly alcoholic good time! Riki brings up the best Dorito Bret's ever tasted -- the infamous upchuck kiss. Bret says that while he enjoys Doritos, there was a little tinge of a kicker in there. Marcia's lips were so awesome that the puke didn't even matter. I ate breakfast while watching this whole thing and didn't even get queasy, which I think shows you what a fabulous Rock of Love tolerance I've developed. Bret gives props to all the girls for hanging really well during the whole tour. Riki says that some of these girls can out-party the bands that Bret tours with, and Bret agrees. Things turn a bit serious as Riki asks the three girls whether any of them think they might have a problem with alcohol. Gia says that she definitely does, and adds that she stopped drinking completely two months ago. This was a direct result of seeing DJ Lady Tribe put a shot glass in her vagina. Funny, that made me start drinking more. DJ Lady Tribe tells us that she met someone who put her in $10,000 rehab, which was kind of cool. I don't even want to know all the details behind that. She says she's doing well now, and I'm sure is Lindsay Lohan's new BFF.
But forget these now-sober losers, because there was a way better group of drunkards on the bus -- The Blondetourage! The Blondetourage kissed Bret en masse, they attacked other girls while they were having group showers then dumped salsa in said girls' luggage, they opened frozen dinners with some duress and proclaimed the lameness of people who ate basil, they showed up incredibly drunk to elimination and made the others nervous. In short, they were the best. Ashley and Farrah forever!
Riki invites Ashley, Farrah and, mysteriously, Melissa to the stage. Ashley and Farrah sit next to each other on the couch while Melissa sits on the arm of Bret's chair. Ashley yells, "Who is this?" and Farrah throws in a, "What the French?" for good measure. A guy from the audience helpfully yells back that Melissa was on Rock of Love: Bus and popped her boob. Can you imagine forever being known as the lady who popped her boob on TV? Riki asks Melissa why she's not sitting with Ashley and Farrah, and Melissa quietly says that they don't get along. Thanks, Master of the Obvious. Melissa claims that she started the Blondetourage. Farrah and Ashley are incredulous. May I add that Farrah looks smokin'. She either got plastic surgery or lost some weight, or maybe just finally drank some water. Hydration works wonders for the skin. Farrah and Ashley continue to ask who Melissa is, and Ashley requests a pen and paper so she can give Melissa her autograph. Awesome. Riki conducts an impromptu audience poll to determine which side is the real Blondetourage, which, duh. Farrah and Ashley demonstrate the Blondetourage handshake -- bumping boobs, puss, and ass -- which Melissa does not know because she is not part of the real Blondetourage. Riki dismisses Melissa for a moment as Ashley and Farrah yell at her to get the fuck off the stage. Hmm. These two are suddenly not as amusing as I remembered them to be. Also, I can't believe that Riki didn't even follow up about Melissa's popped boob!