Rock of Love

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Pretty Pretenders and Negligent Vendors

Moving on, Riki asks Farrah who are the true Blondetourage alumni. Farrah answers this question seriously, which cracks me up. In the beginning there was Gia, but after she got eliminated Farrah and Ashley were the Blondetourage core. Farrah notes that she and Ashley sent Bret a friend request -- I'm guessing on Facebook or Myspace -- which he has apparently not yet confirmed! That is cold. Riki asks if Bret is a member of the Blondetourage, and I am now officially tired of hearing the word Blondetourage. Bret does confirm that Ashley and Farrah could party their asses off, which is something I think we already knew. Riki then asks Bret if he knew the secret handshake, and Ashley replies, "He knows a different kinda handshake that I taught him." Okay, that was awesome. Riki, crack interviewer that he is, asks Ashley what the purpose of the Blondetourage was, and Ashley says, "The purpose of the Blondetourage is what the fuck would be the purpose of Rock of Love without us?" It may sound obnoxious but she is, in fact, correct, as is Farrah when she interjects that the season got so lame once they were booted. She adds that even when they felt like they couldn't party anymore they still sucked it up and partied just for the show. It is a triumph of the spirit, for sure, and I personally thank them for it.

Bret notes that when they left the level of partying went down, and Ashley asks who the eff wants to see Taya crimp her hair for eight hours. The answer is: Taya. Riki praises the girl-on-girl action of the Blondetourage, as does Bret. He says he can't think of a man in his right mind who would stop it, and Ashley and Farrah interject that Natasha might. Oh, dude. I mean, dude. Sorry, Nathaniel. Riki asks Ashley if she's into chicks, and she says of course she's into chicks and also into guys and also into Brittanya, whom she calls a hot bitch. Farrah then touches up Ashley's lip gloss as well as her own before putting it back down her cleavage, and we're done. Aw, I will miss those guys. I don't think we're going to get, What the French? Of Love either. Perhaps that's for the best.

And then it's time to talk about Brittaney, the sweaty sock thief! She stole sweaty socks, remember? And then she got all racial with Natasha, which led to her saying that her grandfather is black. Good times! Brittaney goes up on stage and Marcia gives the thumbs down. Riki asks Brittaney if she's sorry that she brought up the race thing in her conflict with Natasha. Brittaney says she is sorry about it, and adds that she was misunderstood. What she meant was that Bret totally does not dig black chicks and everyone knows it. True enough, I guess. Brittaney concludes by repeating the thesis of her argument, which is, "I was under the impression that Natasha wasn't his type." Natasha is not buying it, even though Brittaney says that they're cool now. Riki asks Natasha if she thinks she's Bret's type, and Natasha asks who gives a fuck about Bret's type. It's all about who her type is. She asks what guy wouldn't want her. This might be an even better time to poll the audience.

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Rock of Love




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