Rock of Love

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Pretty Pretenders and Negligent Vendors

Riki asks Mindy how her life is different, and Mindy says that now Old Navy staff members want to take pictures with her. Also, she drinks alone when she gets melancholy, has "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" on repeat play and gets unusual tingles when she passes the wig store. Mindy adds that every time she's having a bad day someone makes her smile. She likes that people like her, and says that it touches her every time someone approaches her to say so. Now we're going to have to start another Facebook support group for Mindy called, "Two months after you're on Rock of Love, no one will remember you." Riki totally hopes that something romantic will happen between Bret and Mindy in the future. He's a terrible interviewer/host, but a romantic at heart.

And then it's time to revisit the road that led Bret and Taya together. That road was littered with tacky lingerie and Penthouse centerfolds. Taya was a dirty cheeseball from moment one, and also knew how to work a pole. Bret also questioned whether her romance with him was part of a business plan. Yes. But she claims to have fallen for him anyway. The final quarter of the romance montage is set to Taya singing her crap song about once up on a time starting now. Ha! And remember when she fell off the stage? Oh, I wish that could happen again!

Taya emerges, wrapped in shiny foil. She and Bret make out and even DJ Lady Tribe has to cover her eyes. That's bad. Mindy looks like she's either going to cry or cut a bitch. Bret and Taya sit next to each other, and Taya says her heart's going crazy. Riki obviously hates her, as he responds to this by pointing out that she's got lipstick on her tooth. She wipes it off, then turns to the audience and asks, "Am I perfect yet?" Some people just can't do self-deprecating. Riki notes that many people thought Taya was just on the show to promote herself. Taya says that she never thought she could hide something like being a Penthouse pet. Bret asked her what she did for a living, and she said, "I take naked pictures." Beverly yells out something about Taya being a stripper, and Taya says that she never said she didn't used to be a stripper. I think the "used to be" is the part in question, here. Hilariously, Farrah and Ashley are turned totally around, refusing to watch the horror onstage before them. Bret says that Taya took a lot of punches on the road (not literally, sadly), and adds that neither he nor anyone else has the right to cast the first stone about what somebody does. Beverly rolls her eyes, and if Constandina had put a third eye on her she would have rolled that as well.

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Rock of Love

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