Rock of Love

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Riff It Good

Bret names the teams. The first is Heather and Magdalena. Heather is less than convinced about the musical talents of Magdeanderthal, and knows she's screwed. Jes and Brandi M, Lacey and Erin, Sam and Brandi C., and Rodeo and Mia are the other teams. Rodeo says that she loves to sing, and has done so at weddings and karaoke. I can totally picture Rodeo in a karaoke bar singing "How Do I Live?" early in the evening, followed by "Bad Medicine" when things get rowdy. And occasionally "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" with a group of friends. Anyway, this is a dream come true for her, as is everything involving Bret. "I got to clean the oozing sores on Bret's member. It was a dream come true for me." The winning team will get dates -- one at a time! A date without any other girls there. Sounds like heaven!

Erin is terrified about this whole assignment, because she is not at all musical. She's teamed with Lacey, who is the self-proclaimed God's gift to all things melodious. I'm sure her great-great grandfather invented music. Brandi C. gets to play tambourine, while Sam offers to do the vocals. Still, Sam thinks she's fucked. And then we get a preview of Rodeo's song. Her lyrics go, "While we watch our kids at play/Under a rainbow of neverending love." It's phrased so that "of" rhymes with "love." Of course. Mia's response? "What the fuck is wrong with her and what is she thinking?" Rodeo's response? "Holy shit, that was awesome! Nnn HUH HUH HUH HUH! Nnn huh HUH HUH HUH! [x 12]" Rodeo interviews, "Girls? Do you see what Rodeo did, baby? I'm gonna win his ass." Rodeo's super-serious crazy interviews are bar none my favorite part of this show.

Lacey, meanwhile, tells us that Erin is obviously going to contribute nothing to the challenge, so it all rests on her shoulders. She tells Erin that she's been writing lyrics and songs since she was five years old. She is so freaking insecure that she always has to tout her musical abilities, which I think we can all assume are questionable. Turns out Sam and Brandi C. already have lyrics, since Sam has been writing stuff down in what Brandi calls her "creepy little journal" all along. "And I am merged with blood-laced might" is one lyric that Sam suggests. Are there drawings of, like, a pegasus in this journal? Has Sam yet reached the level of Dungeon Master? Mia, meanwhile, tells Rodeo that she's not so sure if the kid stuff fits into the song. Rodeo really wants it in there, though, and suggests a lyric about grabbing their L.A. kids like sunlight. The fuck?

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Rock of Love

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