Rock of Love

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Riff It Good

Meanwhile, Magdalena hopes that Heather doesn't fuck things up for her. She interviews that Heather has no musical talent, but does acknowledge that she can swing around the pole good. Heather thinks that Magdalena's lyrics might make sense in Poland, but they don't here. And I mean, they're playing this song for the guy who rhymed "thorn" with "dawn." I wouldn't overthink it. Brandi M. and Jes think they're fucked, since neither of them is musically inclined and their primary talents include smoking cigarettes and drinking. Nevertheless, Brandi M. says that they're going to rock it out and knock it out and beat some bitches. Elsewhere, Rodeo is proposing lyrics about watching their kids playing in the sandbox. Her kid's fucking seven years old. Let the little dude on the swing, already. Mia is still not sold on the whole kid thing, but Rodeo is dead set on it. Rodeo interviews that she was frustrated with Mia, and that she wrote a beautiful lyric that I guess Mia put the kibosh on. The lyric in question? "I would love you just like a rainbow that's endless in the sky/Grab our kids L.A.-style, let's love right/Baby because I want to fly." All I can think about right now are unicorns wearing L.A. Gears. Rodeo probably has both in her closet.

Jes and Brandi M. decide to have a couple of drinks to get the old creative juices flowing. Their team is clearly the most fun. Erin, meanwhile, can't even beat on a tambourine. Lacey doesn't think it matters, because she's positive Bret will see her fabulous musicianship above all else. Jes and Brandi M. are enjoying a brew and rocking out. Jes is determined to win. Sam gives Brandi C. some voice lessons, and finally interviews that she's fucking tone-deaf. And really, hearing them try to harmonize puts in mind some sort of terrible feelgood Jerry's Kids medley or something. Like, you want to donate money just to make it stop.

It is time for the performances! Bret has invited his friend, radio personality Richard Blade, to be a guest judge, in addition to Big John. Erin and Lacey are up first. Erin is pretty terrible on the tambourine. As Heather says, "Come on, circus hooters. I mean, how hard is it to stand up there and tap a tambourine with a stupid stick?" Lacey says that she did everything, and knows that she has more musical abilities than all the girls in the house put together. Meanwhile, she sounds like she swallowed a bottle of Drano. Maybe it's affected her ears, too. Poor Erin doesn't even seem to know when the song is over, and just keeps tapping on her tambourine.

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Rock of Love

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