Rock of Love

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Cheeseburger in Paradise

While everyone wraps cords and breaks down the equipment, Bret wonders where Mindy is. She is, of course, in the bathroom, and everyone else is kind of mad at her for being so lame. Taya calls herself the unofficial leader of her team, and wraps cords with vigor and a full-on black censor bar. Bret tells Taya that she's rocking, but needs to take it easy because she's too sexy to get hurt. And then Taya falls right the hell backwards off the stage, getting her left leg kind of hooked on the corner of the stage as she does. The moment is replayed about 16 times in a two-minute span. And then she just pops right back up on stage and goes back to work! It takes a true Penthouse Pet to emerge unscathed from an incident involving a stage between her legs. Bret likes Taya's grit, and Taya's something-that-rhymes-with-grit, plural. It's amazing that she fell off the stage and not one boob popped out! Or popped.

Despite Taya's tough exterior, however, she interviews that she's actually hurt pretty badly. In a moment she starts crying as she's dismantling gear. Stumpo tries to take a minute to check her out, but Taya won't have it. He wants her to calm the fuck down, but is too polite to say so. And then Taya starts crying harder. She does this with the professional skill that she's been taught -- on all fours with pulsating rump. Ever a supportive teammate, Farrah runs over to Taya and screams at her to get the fuck up. She thinks that Taya's a baby whose sobbing ways are going to allow the other team to win. Ashley interviews, "Bret's a rock star, and if you want to date a rock star then you'd better get used to falling off the stage, bitch." I heart Ashley and Farrah, but not in a way that I'd actually ever want to be in the same room with them.

While the two teams battle it out, Marcia takes Bret aside for some one-on-one time. Bret notes her ever-so-sexy smell of Doritos and tequila, and says he can't help but be turned on by her. Also, her boobs are sticking out and she's wearing a black wedding veil. Perhaps if you experienced her in person you'd be drawn to her vaguely vomity essence as well. Marcia reminds Bret that she's been drunk each time they've interacted. It turns out this might be a good thing, because when she's (relatively?) sober, she does things like call him aside to tell him that she's not yet in love with him. Bret thinks this is reasonable, and says that he's not in love with any of the girls either, though he is in lust. Marcia, however, is not even in lust since she doesn't even know Bret. Bret thinks that's a problem and is turned off. I marvel at how Marcia has suddenly become the most sensible of the bunch! She interviews that it's hard to have a connection with somebody when you don't even talk to them, or don't remember the times when you have talked to them. Bret deals with this the way he deals with all conversations featuring emotional issues: he turns his attention to the half-naked girls.

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Rock of Love




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