Rock of Love
Roadies

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Cheeseburger in Paradise

Meanwhile, the competition is neck and neck! But in the end the red team wins. That's Ashley, Natasha, Beverly, and Brittanya. Sore loser Mindy immediately starts complaining that no matter how hard you try you'll lose. She thinks it's a game of how cute you look while doing something, versus whether you can actually do it. Well, then try being cuter. Wah wah. In the words of Natasha, "Boo frickin' hoo."

The winning team leaves to commence their VIP treatment. They enter a room filled with presents from Bret -- slutty dresses and jewelry. They open a bottle of champagne and Ashley laments that Farrah has to hang out with the dorks. Farrah is lamenting the same thing, and can't stand Taya and Mindy's whiny-ass-bitch ways. The losers mope, and Bret tells them that one of them is going to get to join the VIP crew. They each get a phone at random, and whoever hears a stupid Bret Michaels song when she dials wins. And the winner is Kelsey. This of course only provides further bitterness and cause for whining for Mindy and Taya.

Kelsey joins the VIP folks. Ashley would like for Farrah to be there, but is happy that at least she doesn't have to deal with Taya and Mindy. Speaking of Farrah, Taya and Mindy, they are escorted to shitty general admission seats for Bret's concert and suffer the ignominy of being denied lip gloss and a hairbrush. The VIP girls look out on the audience -- which seems to feature a bunch of empty seats -- from the stage and Ashley notes that Mindy is being lame as usual. Mindy pouts and pouts and interviews that she feels like a loser, and is the only one who is really there for Bret Michaels. Well, then she's right to feel like a loser.

The concert begins! This time it's Brittanya who needs the black censor bar as her boobs are most likely flying all over the place. Again. Double-stick tape makers should sponsor this show. Bret begins the concert with the theme song to Rock of Love. Beverly knows all the words, which is a very misguided source of pride for her. She interviews that she's the only one who knows and enjoys his songs or is having fun at the concert, aside from the fun to be had in slutting it up with the other girls as the black censor bar tries to keep up. She says, "If you can't appreciate his music, then why the hell are you here?" I say, if you can appreciate his music, why the hell aren't you at some sort of rehab for the sonically impaired?

The VIP girls run on stage at an appointed time, and Ashley tells us that seeing Bret on stage made her want to eff him. Farrah, meanwhile, is in misery standing with Mindy and Taya but resolves to enjoy the concert anyway. Bret looks out from the stage and sees Farrah and Taya rocking out, and Mindy being lame and standing there like someone killed her grandma's dog and made him into a wig for Bret Michaels. Marcia interviews that she was having fun on stage when she noticed a couple of diehard Bret Michaels fans in the front row. She gives them the gift that Bret gave to all the VIP winners, and notes that they were very happy about it. Natasha, however, doesn't think that Bret will like her giving away the gift that he gave especially to her. Methinks Marcia doesn't actually care, which makes me like her even more.

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Rock of Love

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