Rock of Love

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Rockin' the Rents

Previously: Bret loved that Destiney was so rock n' roll, and so willing to continuously show her asscrack to its best advantage. Ew! And then the editors totally try to fool us into thinking that Ambre interviewed that Destiney's biggest strength was her sexuality. One, that voice track is cobbled together like Frankenstein, and two, we are all observant viewers so know that she said this about Daisy. Bitches! Anyway, Ambre assured us that she could sex it up for Bret too, but Daisy thought this was only likely if Bret had a granny panty fetish. Which, don't count Ambre out yet, my little waxwork. Bret wanted to pork Daisy all the livelong day. Destiney came to the conclusion that Daisy is a shady bitch and not a good friend, and partook in a four-on-one attack in Vegas. And again, ew! The previews totally dissed Heather. So I will tell you myself. Heather came back and was awesome, and then kind of mean, but even so has more charisma in one letter of her ill-advised neck tattoo than the rest of these bitches have in all their circus tits combined.

It is morning at the Rock of Love House. The girls return home from Vegas. Daisy tells us that it was all a little dramatic, and she's glad to be back. So, we have our final three: Daisy, Destiney, and Ambre. My friend Ellen summed it up best: "Can't believe Brett has to choose between Ambre, Destiny and Daisy. My prediction: Rock of Love 3." Daisy notes that they're all so different, that it makes it confusing to understand what exactly Bret is looking for. A sixteenth minute, I think.

The girls eat in the kitchen, and note how quiet it is now that it's just the three of them. Big John delivers Bret mail and some buckets full of cleaning supplies. Are they finally going to make a group effort to disinfect Daisy? That's really sweet. The Bret Mail reads: "You're back from Vegas but the stakes are still high / It's still anyone's game / My girls never say die. / Get yourselves ready and clean up this place / Today's adventure brings a familiar face. / I'll see you in one hour / Love, Bret." Daisy snaps on a rubber glove and says, "The doctor is in." That either comes directly from a porn movie or a Motley Crue video.

As the girls finish cleaning, there is a ring at the doorbell. It's an older gentleman. Ambre comes rushing down the stairs, squealing, "Daaaaaad!" She says it's a wonderful moment for her dad to be there. They hug. And hug some more. And hug some more. Ambre's dad has been her rock, she says, so it's amazing to have him there during this crazy time. She can't wait for him to meet Bret. That poor, poor old man. Once you graduate from high school, most parents probably really hope you're through humiliating yourself in front of them. And they probably really don't expect you to keep acting a fool when you're the ripe old age of thirty...two. But we'll get to that in a minute.

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Rock of Love

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