Rock of Love

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Rockin' the Rents

Everyone sits down to eat some barbequed chicken, and Destiney and Bret have a witty back-and-forth about the size of her breast. Bret employs the word "breastes," the singular form of, "breasteses." Ambre is embarrassed for her dad, but he just chuckles and exclaims, "Lord!" God's all, "Believe me, dude, VH1 is just not in my jurisdiction." Bret then treats the girls and their parents to a video of Poison performing live in St. Louis. There are lots of pyrotechnics. Destiney, perennially wanting nothing but a good time, gets up and starts dancing like a stripper slash groupie. Ambre points out that Bret is just not into it. Bret tells us that he's seeing Destiney loving Bret Michaels the rock star, but he's worried that she won't love Bret Michaels off the stage. Dude, she's seen your formal wig and has not run screaming out of the house. If that's not commitment, I don't know what is.

Bret's going to go on individual dates with each girl and her family. Daisy gets to go first, and Destiney gives Bret a kiss on his way out the door, just for good measure. Daisy thinks it's classless. Because if she's one thing, with her 48-19-22 measurements, it's classy. Bret takes Daisy and Stephanie to a rock club called Rainbow, which is apparently legendary and not at all for the gays. Sad, that. Daisy thinks it's the coolest date ever. Well, at least until Bret starts asking Stephanie about Charles, and particularly about Daisy's claim not to have had sex with Charles or anyone else in two years. Daisy starts to tear up, or maybe her lashes just reached down and poked her in the eye again. She blathers that Charles cheated on her, and then she went to the other side of the wall, and her life used to be black and white but now it's color. Let's let Bret sum it up for us: "Thank you for the education, there, Kodachrome. But what the hell are you talking about?" He still wonders if Daisy and Charles are bumping reconstructed uglies.

Meanwhile, back at the house, Destiney's parents go to bed. She, however, is going to stay up and wait for Bret. She asks Ambre's dad for his take on all this, and Ambre's dad points out that life doesn't end there. What if, he asks, Bret chooses her? Destiney kind of picks some stuff out of her teeth, then says that she's going to go back to her regular daily routine, which apparently involves being in music videos, acting, doing TV shows, bartending, and hosting. The only thing this bitch is hosting is patrons at the Red Lobster. Ambre's dad asks what happens six months from now. Destiney can't really say what six months will bring. And I mean, she has a point. Ambre, however, interviews that Destiney is there more for the experience than for Bret, and isn't as emotionally invested as Ambre and Daisy are. Well punch her in the throat and call her asshole.

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Rock of Love




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