Rock of Love

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Season 1 Reunion

We then get a Lacey versus Dallas montage, including the time when Dallas quite awesomely wore every dead animal in the house and Rodeo had to hog tie Lacey. Ah, sweet memories. Riki calls Dallas up to the stage. Dallas is for sure a crazy ho, but an awesome one at that. Riki asks if she really dislikes animals, and Dallas says that she doesn't dislike animals, she dislikes Lacey. From the dogpound, Sam gives a whoop, a leglift, and some devil horns. Riki asks if Dallas has any comments for Lacey. Dallas points out that Bret eats meat and wears leather and snakeskin. Lacey admits that she stepped over the line poking Dallas in the forehead. I should say so. It stands as one of the most heinous acts of violence I've ever seen on TV. She puts a friendly hand on Dallas's back, and Dallas says, "Please don't touch me." Oooh, burn. Lacey says she wants to make amends. Dallas thinks that's funny, because she and Lacey bumped into each other three times when the cameras weren't around, and she mentioned no amend-making then. Lacey brings out her "let's make up gift for Dallas," which is a t-shirt that says "Dallas loves Michael Vick." She's so fucking stupid. Lacey notes that Michael Vick is available, and Dallas tells us she doesn't date black men. Neither does Riki. Well, let's get some DNA testing done on Bret and see if that claim still holds true.

Oh, and then it's time to relive the time that Lacey exposed Brandi M. as a non-Bret-lover. Brandi comes up to join Lacey onstage, looking totally cute. Riki says that all his friends totally want to party with Brandi. She laughs. He asks why on earth she would confide in Lacey. Brandi says that as the day went on, she knew she fucked things up for herself. Lacey says that what the girls didn't understand is that they had each other's backs, but she had Bret's back. And his front, if Heather is to be believed. Riki says it seemed like everyone's goal was to be with Bret. He asks Lacey why she thought Bret was on the show. Lacey thinks it was to find love and to pump up his career. Riki says that Lacey is wrong -- Bret is doing just fine career-wise, and he really wanted to find love. I call bullshit on both of those statements, but let's just suspend our disbelief for a few minutes. Lacey says that Bret is smart and wants to keep himself in the public eye, and Brandi interjects to say, "Just like your music video on YouTube that smells like shit." HA! It's true that if there were scratch n' sniff YouTube, "This Thing Called Love" would send aromas of dookie through your screen.

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Rock of Love

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