It's time for the shoots! The Jes Team has a devilish Lacey in a sequined red bra and underwear hovering over an innocent pink-lingerie'd Sam on a bed. As soon as they got on set, Jes tells us, Lacey became her usual annoying know-it-all self and started running her mouth. In the words of Sam, "Shut the fuck up." Brandi takes a peek at the shoot and thinks it's lame and has been done before. Hmm, lame and has been done before. They've struck gold in terms of a natural next level for Bret. Team Jes tries to decide on which picture they want to use, and narrows it to two. Jes really likes one, but Lacey strongly prefers the other. It involves her yanking on a strand of pearls around Sam's neck, which I'm sure she finds to be as poetic as the wind in her sails. She says she's making an executive decision to use that, and Evo quite awesomely tells her he doesn't know that she can do that. Lacey thinks that Jes is a terrible creative director, and Jes thinks that Lacey doesn't work well with other people. Sam says nothing, I guess because her meds are at their peak. Eventually, they go with the shot that Lacey likes. Evo tells Jes, "God bless you with that one," because anyone whose brain has not been damaged by the forceful rooting of hair plugs can see how much Lacey sucks.
It's time for Team Mia to shoot their cover. Brandi notes that Mia is trying, but has no chance since Heather is taking control. Heather sprawls face down on the car and spreads her legs. It's like Blind Melon's Bee Girl, fifteen years on. Brandi looks like a deranged Willie Nelson who is going to change Heather's tire and then chop her up for pot pies that will be sold to benefit Farm Aid. SEXY! Still in character, Brandi interviews that her balls itched, but it was all right. With only minutes left, Team Mia has to choose their cover, which, as you might expect, generates some drama. Heather likes all the ones with her legs spread open. I think that's because she feels most comfortable with the shots showing her natural, everyday pose. Eventually, they settle on one. Or rather Heather does, as Mia doesn't seem to say much.
Back at the house, Lacey and Heather bitch about how they should get the solo dates because they did everything for their teams. It is so hard to take anything they say seriously when there is a giant photo of Bret's head right behind them on Heather's bed. Little do they know the photo hears EVERYTHING! Lacey interviews that Jes did nothing, and she's going to fight for the solo date if they win. Outside, Jes tells Brandi and Mia that she doesn't get along with bitchy people, so did back down with Lacey. Brandi thinks that's a tactical error. In case you're keeping track, everyone still hates Lacey.