Team Jes unveils When Love Dances with the Devil. Wow, Sam has one tattoo that makes her look like she has an oblong gray nipple. It's all I can see. Jes explains that Sam metaphorically represents love, and the temptations that come along with every relationship. You know Lacey would have said "metaphysically." Shut up, Lacey. Bret loves it -- a little girl on girl, a little heaven and hell. What's not to enjoy? Evo asks what's original about it. Jes admits the whole thing is a bit clichéd, but points out the contrast of Lacey's "evilish" eyes versus Sam's dreamy eyes. Bret tells the girls that when you get to the Bible Belt, you might never see this album cover. Is he saying that the Bible Belt has better taste than the coasts? Is this a subliminal message about voting for Mike Huckabee? Does Bret really think that Tipper Gore is still out there waiting to get him? Perhaps that turns him on, because he chooses Team Jes for the win. He interviews that at the end of the day, he was willing to take no record sales in favor of the record cover that was hot and sexy. It's an improvement over all of his other solo albums, which had no record sales and a cover that was Bret wearing a wig.
Lacey interviews that it's not fair that Jes gets the solo date and, because she's a puss, wages her campaign to Bret privately rather than at the presentations where the rest of earth's citizens could provide a rebuttal. Lacey basically says that she did everything, and Bret interviews that Lacey knows how to fight for her man. With her biggest crazy eyes ever, Lacey promises to Bret that she's not really crazy. Or, there's 10% of her that's not crazy. He is wearing his shoulder-length flat-ironed weave, which does not seem to provide him with any additional wisdom. When Lacey comes out of the B.A.M.B. room, Jes confronts her on talking trash to Bret. Lacey blubberingly denies it. Jes thinks that it's important for Bret to see how people interact with Lacey, and Lacey replies that it's not important what Jes thinks. Jes actually sticks out her tongue at Lacey. This is the level of discourse that Lacey has wrought.
Jes decides to make a visit to Bret herself. Bret hears the knock on the door, and is digging the passion that he's getting from the girls. Yeah, but none of it is actually directed at him! Well, no matter. Jes tells Bret that Lacey is an evil cow who has said disrespectful things about Bret. Bret knows that Jes is wondering why he's keeping Lacey. Bret's response? "There's just something about her." Is he a doughy armpit fetishist? I mean, probably. And why is his face so shiny? Jes wishes that Bret could see how crazy Lacey is with the other girls when he's not around. Bret tells Jes to dress warm and sexy for their date, and bids her adieu.













Comments