Rock of Love

Episode Report Card
Potes: B+ | Grade It Now!
Stroller Derby

Team Pink is first! Bret hopes that they'll be ready to take a beating for their man. Daisy, who's in charge of the stroller, falls even before the Derby Dolls get to her. When Daisy takes a tumble, Lacey sidles up to the stroller and starts punching the baby in the face. Maybe this is some sort of therapy in which she recreates her own childhood trauma? I certainly hope it was healing and that she will be able to move on and abandon her dicksucker whorebag ways for good. Poor Baby Bret is fucked in the care of Team Pink. He's, like, in worse shape than Sean Preston. Megan knows they did terribly, but takes solace in the fact that they looked hot. It's true that tube socks bring out the sparkle in her eyes.

Red Team is next! Peyton takes charge of the stroller, and the other girls plan to let her get as far ahead as possible while they get in the way of the Derby Dolls. As it happens, Peyton is not a very good skater, and the Derby Dolls are not afraid to kill a bitch. However, Peyton tries her best to grab hold of and protect Baby Bret after he bounces headfirst on the track, and even gives him a little soothing kiss. It makes Grown Bret want to breed. Has this show not made us feel like the human gene pool is in a desperate enough state? In one particularly spirited tussle, the largest of the Derby Dolls makes off with one of Baby Bret's arms. Angelique is thinking about how she might repurpose that little plastic limb in her upper lip. The little fingers sticking out on the side will only add to her charm, and would probably make it easier to eat chicken wings.

And finally, there is Team Blue. After seeing Angelique fall down in perfect doggie-style position, Kristy Joe is feeling somewhat hopeless. However, she takes a decent lead as the rest of her team tries to block the Derby Dolls. Well, except Angelique, who is too busy trying to tuck her shirt in her under-cleavage. True story. Kristy Joe is feeling pretty good until the third lap, when the really big Derby Doll chucks her but good. Baby Bret goes flying. Still, it was an impressive performance, and Bret gives her a round of applause. Turns out, the Blue Team is the only team that gave Baby Bret a decent chance of survival with a normal life, so they win! Angelique is excited about this victory, and confident to boot. She says, "Zese girls should better be worried, becuz when I'm gonna to ween a date wiz Bret I'm gonna fuck him so good eez not gonna look at everybody else when eez coming back." Most likely, he's not going to be looking at Angelique when she's fucking him so good, because of the contractually stipulated bag over her head. Angelique, Aubrey, and Inna Tuna will all go on a group date tonight, while MVP Kristy Joe will get the coveted solo date tomorrow.

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Rock of Love




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