Rock of Love

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Stroller Derby

Back at the house, Roxy is bummed because the Red Team's loss means she won't get any one-on-one time with Bret. Catherine tells her that she's got her VIP pass, which is a ticket into the chocolate factory. Nice word choice. She's seriously going to bust into "White Boys / Black Boys" from Hair, isn't she? She'll be like, "Have you heard about the groovy scene that just burst onto Broadway? Maybe we can try to catch it after tonight's Laugh-In." Roxy was hoping to win the challenge so she could save the VIP pass for a later date. All she can do, she says, is sit and see what happens. Sometimes a non-strategy is the best of all, and then again sometimes it's the worst.

It's time for the group date! And let me just explain some of the wardrobe stylings going on here. First off, Aubrey looks like what would happen if the Mad Hatter mated with Mr. Peanut. Inna Tuna is unironically wearing a black feather boa. And then there's Angelique. Forever aware of the dangers of identity theft, Angelique decided to run the bottom of her dress through a paper shredder. And then she vomited all over it, which may or may not have been an accident. At least Bret gets a taste of what life with one and a half transvestite prostitutes on each arm is like.

At the homestead, Kristy Joe talks with Daisy and Destiney about the Stroller Derby challenge. Kristy Joe says that, as a mom, she knows how strollers work. Kristy Joe has KIDS? Or A KID? Daisy says that she's not a mom, so she didn't know. Catherine, however, is, says Daisy, but Kristy Joe adds that she couldn't skate. Daisy interviews passionately that her team did the best they could, and she thinks they did a damn good job. Except for the severe head trauma and internal organ damage inflicted on Baby Bret, that's totally correct.

Meanwhile, back to the date. Bret takes his lovely ladies to Ivan Kane's Forty Deuce nightclub and burlesque parlor. Angelique is very excited, since she is a stripper and this is her atmosphere. I thought Angelique's atmosphere was a place where oxygen was replaced with toxic fumes that only she has mutated to inhale safely? Ivan Kane greats this fearsome foursome and tells them that the club's been closed down just for them. They'll first get to see one of Forty Deuce's professional burlesque dancers perform; then each of the ladies will get to show what they've got onstage. And then, I imagine, the earth will implode and we'll all start to feel a strange burning sensation and scream, "My eyes! My eyes!" Aubrey is excited because she's been a trained dancer since she was seven. Aw, Little Miss Sunshine all grown up! Bret tells Ivan that he might have a recruit in Angelique. Ivan, because he seems to have some sense, looks terrified.

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Rock of Love

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