This, of course, means that Sam goes home. Heather is glad, since she thinks Sam is pathetic. It's killing Bret to let go of Sam, but he knows that what they're going through in the house is one tenth of what they'd go through in the real world. The supersluts thought Sam had the biggest soul there, but felt that it would make her snap. Oh, don't put it on the supersluts, you hobag. They wanted to boot Lacey's pasty ass and you know it. Bret thinks that he and Sam will be lifelong friends. She says goodbye, and then they make out for, like, a minute and a half. It's super-slurpy. Sam tells us that Bret rejected her in a way that was loving, sensual, and romantic -- just how she'd want to go out. With guns blazin'! That's not all that's blazing, I'm sure. Bret tells us that, as much as he liked Sam, he couldn't put her through it no more. Sic. Meanwhile, Lacey is still pretending to cry. Let's let Brandi sum it up: "Bravo, where's her fucking Oscar." Lacey interviews that it's amazing what a few tears will do. I think Lacey has a single fang. Why am I not surprised.

Next week: some drunk biznitches! Wassagoinon? But first it's...

Bret's boner countdown! Again, surprisingly paltry given the appearance of the supersluts and the neck tattoo. Still: grody.
15. "Getting a tattoo can be a very erotic experience. Not only does the pain start to become this kind of trance feeling that just kind of gets me aroused. I've had some of the best sex ever after getting some tattoo work done."