Before we begin the first season of Rock Of Love proper, I thought it would be nice to take a breeze through the show's casting special. Now, no one is identified by name, but there are some very special ladies that we got to know -- and, most likely, whom we have seen half-naked and swinging upside down from a pole -- throughout the course of the season. So I'll name the folks as I can, except for all the extra dumb girls whose name began with "T" and were only on the first episode or two, because my brain seriously can't spare the cells needed to achieve full recognition. This introductory special features excerpts from the ladies' casting interviews, interspersed with cheesy commentary from Bret. I'll keep him out of it unless he says something witty. In other words, you won't hear from him. So now, for your enjoyment, here are several of the ladies in their own words. Expect to find the following in between Oscar Wilde and Shakespeare in the next edition of Notable Quotables.
Rodeo: I'm the type of lady, if...I can have multiple orgasms. It's just 'cause...I don't know why, I don't know, but I do. Especially when I have the vibrators.
Jes: I don't have an age limit. Just, as long as they're not, like, fifty with, like, old wrinkly balls, you know.
Random Girl 1: I don't do the casual sex thing. I've been with fourteen men, and I've been in relationships with all of them.
Random Girl 2: I have a potbellied pig. And a Pez collection.
Random Girl 3: How many people are going to see this?
Lying Casting Guy: Not many.
Random Girl 3: We were doing a photo shoot thing, and, um, I had my period. And obviously, hello, they're shooting my [word mysteriously bleeped out, but she points to her crotch, so you get the drift] [and also...obviously?], so I had to clip the string on the tampon. Apparently I didn't clip the string high enough, and one of the shots that the photographer and the director was like, "Stop stop stop. What is this lint that keeps attaching itself to you?" And so we went over to remove the lint and it was, like, my tampon. They didn't pull it out, but it was there, and it was just like, oh God. I was so embarrassed that I started making, like, weird uncomfortable faces. Kind of like if you have to fart and you're just kind of like [fart face]. You know, you don't really want anyone to know. Or if you accidentally do it, you don't really want people to know it was you. It's kind of like [fart face].
Heather: I'm like, listen. I'm a dancer out in Vegas, I've got a hot rack. I'll show you my boobs and maybe even [boob shimmy] if you can get me and my friends in. It's like, so funny how far, like, a boob goes.