Bret needs a minute to put on his bandana / baseball cap combo, then invites Lacey in. She tells him she's worried about Sam -- which, I am SO SURE even Bret's dumb enough to believe that -- because Sam's jealousy issues are causing her to freak out. Lacey says when Bret's out on the road and tons of girls are on his tour bus, Sam's not going to be able to handle that, and he needs someone who understands that lifestyle. Bret interviews that he really appreciates everything Lacey told him. Okay, so he is dumb enough to believe that. That's the last flicker of hope I'll ever have in regards to this show. Bret thinks Sam might be too sensitive for this lifestyle. Well, duh, you knew that in, like, the second episode, but you wanted to have her hang around until you could pork her. Lacey goes poolside to report to Heather, who is wearing a g-string and nothing else. Good to see she's been classing it up as promised. How do you even concentrate enough to talk to someone when you can see all their bits? I've been thinking hard about who will play Heather in The Rock of Love Story, but haven't quite settled on someone who is both oddly likeable yet haggard, and has the appropriate amount of heft. In a few years Lindsay Lohan might qualify.

Bret goes in to talk to Sam and does not greet her with a "Wassagoinon." Bad sign! She's folding clothes and he asks if she's leaving. Any display of tidiness must seem really radical in that house. Bret asks if Sam had fun at the party. She says she did, and he compliments on her heretofore unknown pole skills. She could totally knock out some sort of complicated mathematical theorem right now and he'd just stare blankly for a second before saying, "It really impresses me...how you worked that pole." Bret says that sometimes he feels close to Sam, but then the brakes come on. She's a private person, she says, and doesn't know who to trust in the house. Bret says the only person she needs to get close to is him, and she asks how she's supposed to get close to him when other girls are grinding up on him. Again, do enough Kegels so your puss can take out that of any other ho head to head, so to speak, and the man will be yours.