Rock of Love

Episode Report Card
Potes: A | 855 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Tour Bus Challenge

Speaking of Lacey, it's her turn. Joy! Sam says she's not sincere. Lacey asks if she means sincere about Bret, and Sam says she means about everything. Jes adds that she's not sincere and can't control her anger. Again, Lacey wants clarification on what she's not sincere about, and Mia answers, "Just in general." Sam tells Lacey that when she talks to her, she sees through her. And then Lacey, who's like the biggest fake loser camera whore and couldn't wait to trash talk everyone else, has the balls to get all upset about it. She starts going on about how she didn't come there to make friends, and Sam excellently asks why, if she doesn't want to be their friend, she cares what they think. Lacey says it's because they're telling Bret something that isn't true. Jes interviews that Lacey is manipulative and vindictive and she's about to kill her. They all basically tell Lacey to shut the fuck up. Lacey thinks that the others are full of shit, and interviews that they'd better watch their backs.

Meanwhile, Bret and Brandi are having a great time at the hockey game. Bret likes that Brandi is a tomboy, and wants to have sex with her while she changes a tire, which I really think would restrict her mobility. But, cheaper than a AAA membership, I guess. Bret gets asked to appear on the giant screen in the rink. He does, and the crowd goes wild. They would have gone wilder if this had been shown on the big screen. No, seriously, click on it now. It's Bret Michaels' video for "Raine," a song from his solo album Songs of Life. Yes, Songs of Life is a really queer album name, but that's not what stands out most here. Click on it, watch for a minute, and then come back. I'm going to ask you a question. Done? Okay, here's my question. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ON HIS HEAD?!?!?!?!?!?!!? No, for reals. He looks like a guest on Springer who is half-heartedly trying to retain his anonymity because would YOU want everyone in your town to know that your wife's 400 pound bipolar phone sex operator sister was your mistress and watch you sweat out that paternity test? I would rather them know that than SEE ME IN A WIG MADE OUT OF PUKEY HAIRBALLS! Actually, I feel like Bret's management got this wig from an organization called Locks of Hate that actually steals hair from cancer patients in the middle of the night and repurposes it for aging rock stars. They're all like, "What are you talking about, Sebastian Bach, you've got the mane of Fabio! Rock n' roll!" Seriously, dude. You're a grown man wearing a cheap wig. If you're going to go there, go balls to the wall and invest in a Moonstruck era Cher wig. Though then Bret might look like Captain Hook. But seriously, it would be an improvement. WIG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In any case, Bret's date with Brandi M. ranks up there with some of the best dates he's ever had. They make out and I'm sure, though we don't see it, that Brandi lived up to her nickname. BECAUSE SHE HASN'T SEEN THE WIG.

Rock of Love

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