Rock of Love

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Speedbumping Uglies

The first event is the Beer Belly Flop. One team member will have to stand atop a hay bale and belly flop into a giant tub of Bret's Brew. And in case you weren't excited enough about this already, VH1 has provided a fun fact to fun things up: The beer tank holds 9404 gallons, or 607 kegs of Bret's Brew. That's precisely the amount of kegs that Ashley consumes in one night! She's going to go at that thing with a straw. Each girl will be judged on the splash that she makes. Jamie is first and gets a cumulative score of 25 points. Beverly is next up for her team. Bret notes that she is the perfect choice for her team since she really enjoys her adult beverages. Also, according to Ashley, she's basically a fat man, which should make for an excellent splash. It does, and the Blue Team pulls ahead with a score of 27.5. Kelsey is the last to flop for the Yellow Team. She's ready to pull out all the stops, and so takes off her bra. The judges like this transition to a makeshift wet t-shirt contest and reward Kelsey with 29 points, putting the Yellow Team in the lead! Beverly is pissed, and wishes she had thought to whip out her big guns as well.

The next event is the Stripper Pole Gymnastics and once again only one team member can compete. Brittanya, being a go-go dancer and having more sex appeal than Mindy or Jamie, thinks she's the obvious choice to go on the pole. She is spectacularly bad, and no amount of giant boobs can save her. The crowd actually boos her and gives her thumbs down, and each of the judges gives her a 5 out of 10. Next it's time for the Blue Team to figure out who takes the pole. Ashley seems like a shoe-in, but Kami has apparently been a stripper for 10 years and so wants to do it. Ashley thinks she looks like she's been a stripper for 30 years, and had better not fuck it up. Kami in fact has mad pole skills, and can do an in-air split and land right on her cooch! Even Big John is impressed. Ashley gives her credit where credit is due, then notes that at her age she should know a few tricks. Kami gets an impressive total of 30.5 from the trucker judges, putting the Blue Team in the lead with 58 points.

The Yellow Team is next, and Taya says she really wants to win and do the pole event herself. Farrah figures she'll let Taya go and make a fool out of herself. Taya interviews that she's got some skills on a pole, and has been there, done that. And holy shit, she is not kidding! Taya apparently has a secret pair of hands in her cooch that enable her to slide down a pole gently in slow motion. Farrah interviews that Taya got up there and was REALLY comfortable with the stripper pole. She says skeptically, "Wait a minute. You didn't learn that just now. This bitch is a stripper." Beverly actually asks aloud, "Is she a ballerina?" I had a ballerina in a music box when I was a child, and I am certain that she never did any of those moves. Farrah continues to interview that, like Scooby and Shaggy solving a mystery, she's starting to figure this out. Bret also is pretty sure that this isn't Taya's first time working the poles. Taya gets a solid 27 from the trucker judges, but still doesn't beat Kami's score. The Blue Team is in the lead by one point.

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Rock of Love




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