Rock of Love

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Speedbumping Uglies

The final event is the Dog and Dash Relay, a relay race in which each team will have to fix a hot dog, run through a set of tires, and then slide on belly or buttocks over the slip n' slide, hurtle three fat guys, and give the hot dog to the judges. Mindy gets the dog soggy on the slip n' slide, and the Green Team is pretty much assured last place. Ashley does a fine slide on her knees for the Blue Team, then does a cartwheel just to allow her boobs a little extra jiggle time. The Blue Team takes the lead with a score of 82. This means that the Yellow Team needs a score of 26 points to win. Farrah takes the slide for her team, but doesn't quite have Ashley's grace on her knees. The bun flies off the dog, and Farrah presents the hot dog to the judges low-carb style. Realizing that she's in trouble, Farrah decides to use all her creativity to win the judges over - e.g. show them her boobs. This is surprisingly effective, particularly when she shoves them in the face of the judge with the overalls. He is powerless to her silicone, and the Yellow Team wins! Beverly is once again pissed that mega-boobs swayed the judges and decries the unfairness. That's life on the road, Beavers.

The buses head to Decatur, Alabama. Yet another stop in the life of a glamorous rock star! Bret makes an unexpected visit to the girls' hotel room. He tells them that, during the Truck Stop Games, the judges may have been unduly swayed by sexy boobs. To even things out, he wants to take the Blue Team to the bus to hang out with him. He has made margaritas for them. Kami is excited to get to chill and talk with Bret a bit. The conversation is stimulating, as Bret says he can't fuck with music on. Oh come on. You know that bitch bones to "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" at least three nights a week. Kami and Ashley both like to do it with the lights on, though not with gynecologist-style lights. Well, let me tell you that nothing gets me more in the mood than feeling like I'm at my annual. Beverly busts in with, "I like it dark." Methinks her days are seriously numbered. Ashley, meanwhile, has had her arms around Bret the whole time they've been talking and interviews that she's going to take over on the bus this time. She says, "Bret wants me, I want Bret, these two girls can watch." It's just another day in the life of Ashley.

Bret asks the ladies how their "for-real jealousy thing" works. Ashley says that if Bret's down with chicks, she's down with chicks. Beverly, however, says hell no. If he's with her, she doesn't want him to be with anyone else. If he's not ready to be in a relationship, he shouldn't be with her, she says. And that's why he isn't. Kami is with Beverly, and says that 1) she doesn't want her man to be with anyone else; 2) she sure as hell doesn't want to watch it. For her part, Ashley would in fact like to watch. Kami interviews that Ashley's the skankiest bitch she's ever met in her life, and is completely disgusting. Yet also redeemably hilarious to a home viewing audience. I can't help it -- I heart Ashley. Bret negotiates the situation by playing Kami, Ashley, and Beverly the new song he wrote. Kami says, "It is so sexy when a guy can sing, and then when it's directed to you it's that much more sexier." I think Bret was eliminated from this equation with the initial "it is so sexy when a guy can sing" caveat. Bret starts making out with Ashley in a really foul manner, and then all three ladies head to his bedroom. Beverly comments on how cool it is that he has a shower in his bedroom as he continues to make out with Ashley. Good times.

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Rock of Love

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