Brandi says the show was unbelievable and Bret was so sexy, and then she tries to sing along with the words to "Driven" but totally doesn't know them. One would think she would predict that the obvious concluding rhyme to "beside me" was going to be "ride me." I am not kidding. Lacey feels closer to Bret than ever, because he and his songs are so powerful. And really, who could not be moved by a line with the raw power of, "You drive up in your Corvette / I try to get you into my Corvette / No dice / But I still love you." It's like he's the new Homer, working on his masterwork, The Idiocy. And what concert would be complete without a stunning rendition of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn"? I mean, every concert I see. But not this one!

The girls head backstage. While Bret goes to change for dinner, they continue drinking with the band. Jes interviews that the other girls were chugging it up to try to impress the guys in the band, but she held back because she preferred spending time with Bret to getting shitfaced. Eh, to each her own. Even Heather wonders what Lacey, who is doing shots of Jagermeister, the planet's most noxious drink, is thinking. Brandi interviews that the shots were going down and she couldn't stop. She knew she was fucked. Seriously: never do the shots. I mean, if you want to keep your shit together. PUT THE TINY GLASS DOWN. Heather is annoyed at Lacey, and doesn't want to be associated with her when she's all sloppy drunk-ized. This is a positive step toward not wanting to be associated with her ever, I think. Brandi and Lacey start an argument that vaguely has something to do with dirty looks. Heather is tangentially involved. And seriously, when the stripper wearing sheep fur boots and a newsboy cap is the classy and together one, you have a problem on your hands.

Lacey slurringly confronts Brandi about the dirty look. Brandi's response? "Get the fuck away from me, I just farted." Ha! I think I'm going to steal that one. Lacey, however, does not heed this instruction, and Brandi quickly gets tired of Lacey's nasty-ass breath in her face. I mean, that's directly from an interview, I'm not just making assumptions, even though I could. Lacey pours some Grey Goose over Brandi. It's rude, but one can't help but note that Brandi's heaving bosom is glistening quite attractively. She should go around vodka-moistened all the time. Brandi throws the bottle of Grey Goose, along with some fighting words. Jes and Heather are so over the drunk bitches. Big John calls the girls up to dinner, and has to tell Lacey to shut the fuck up and come on. Lacey can't even walk, and Big John has to kind of drag her to Bret's suite. To quote Heather, "I'm over it. Pull it together. Walk, bitch." As you learn when you're the designated driver, watching drunk people is really, really boring.