Brandi is relieved from dinner, and Bret doubts that the night is salvageable. Nonetheless, one girl gets the prized nightcap with him. And it's Jes! She was helping out her drunken pukey competition, which really upped her in Bret's esteem. Well, maybe we should all be rewarding Heather for not letting good food go to waste, eh? I'm sure she did it for the starving children in Ethiopia. There came a time when Heather heeded a certain call. It was at dinner. Heather acts cool when Bret tells her that Jes won, but is really pissed inside. In her interview, she struggles with whether, if you have one and a half somethings, you'd use a singular or plural noun. I think Bret made the right decision. And then -- ha! Heather takes a doggie bag or three, including the food off of Bret's plate. She's all class, bitches.
Meanwhile, Jes and Bret are having huggy times on his balcony. And then -- GAH! Oh, God, I can't believe I have to type this. It makes me want to spew a puke fountain of my own. Bret interviews, "After everyone left, Jes and me, um, got along quite well. We got to learn, um, each other both inside and out. It was a good night." I am sprinkling Comet in my ear right now, I am so grossed out. But, honestly, when I stop screaming for a minute, I can't help but wonder if he left the wig on.
The next morning, Brandi is equally grossed out by the smell of leftover shrimp. She interviews that after getting a taste of Bret's rock-star lifestyle, she doesn't know if she can hang. Hungover Hannah tells Lacey and Heather that she knows in her heart that Bret's not the one for her. She thinks he's great and everything, but he's not it. Finally, one of these bitches comes to their senses! I knew I liked Brandi M. for a reason. Oh, but then. We flashback to her telling Bret that she loves him. "Bret Michaels is not the one for me. I know what my heart wants, and I know he's not it," she says. It hurts because she cares for him, she interviews, but she doesn't know how much more she can take of everything. Heather and Lacey are scandalized. Heather tells Brandi that she KNOWS Bret's the one for her. To wit: the back of her neck. Lacey, meanwhile, thinks this is the nail in Brandi's coffin. It probably is. Brandi will congratulate herself for this moment of sense and reason at a later date.
Elsewhere, Jes and Bret smooch after their night of coital grodiness. I know this is redundant, but: barf. Jes interviews that after spending the night with Bret she feels much closer to him physically, emotionally, and sexually. It's all good, she says. NAY! It is all the OPPOSITE OF GOOD! They had a hot night in sin city, and that's all she's going to say. Even that is too much. I don't love this show anymore AT ALL. Bret sends Jes back to L.A. in the limo so he can spend the rest of the day with the other girls and try to get to know more about them. Jes is at ease knowing that she and Bret have already connected. She heads home, where she can revel in her newfound Hep C.