Gypsy Rose and the Pukeys get Bret Mail. "Morning my raging ladies / You really tore it up last night / So today I set up something awesome / To get you feeling right." Bret is surprised to see that Lacey is alive and notes that all of them, and especially Brandi, looked tore up from the floor up. Tough talk from a man wearing skintight black jean shorts at the pool. Bret's arranged fun spa day treats for everyone, and is especially excited to join Heather for a hot stone rubdown. In case you were wondering whether Bret wears his bandana to a massage...well, actually, I'm sure you weren't wondering since the answer is obvious. I think a few hot stones to the scalp might provide some good stimulation, but then I am not a licensed aesthetician. With her face in the massage pillow, Heather tells Bret that she has a lot of feelings for him and thinks they have a lot of good times ahead. And, he adds, a lot of good food to eat. Subtle come-on. Brandi, meanwhile, knows that she fucked up with her confession to Heather and Lacey, and figures that their first instinct will be to throw her under the bus. To her credit, Heather momentarily resists the temptation because she doesn't want anything to spoil her good time with Bret. She figures Lacey will deal with it.
It's Brandi's turn to have spa fun times with Bret, as Lacey and Heather figure out how to spill the beans to him. Brandi tells Bret that she does have her guard up because she's afraid of getting hurt, and that she also struggles with whether she's good enough for him. Oh my God, LOOK AT HIM. In the words of Buddha, "Contemplate the bald bastard and the answer will come, you stupid ho." I think I'm going to dedicate myself to the cause of remedying the crippling self-esteem of Las Vegas strippers. The meals budget for that project would be tremendous. Bret tells Brandi that she's beautiful and fun to go to hockey games with. That's a pretty specific positive quality. Brandi interviews that she didn't mean what she said about Bret being all wrong for her, and now knows that she has to defend herself to Bret. Bret in perhaps his most toolish interview ever, and I know it's hard to choose, says, "She felt that she wanted to be much more friends, and uh, be intimate and be lovers, and there was a chance we'd make it as a boyfriend and girlfriend." I mean, when do you hear "lovers" and "boyfriend and girlfriend" in the same sentence? It's like high school yearbook meets Kim and Shane's love theme from Days of Our Lives. They smooch. I bet she still has pukey breath, too.