Rock of Love

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Vegas Baby

The next morning, Brandi is equally grossed out by the smell of leftover shrimp. She interviews that after getting a taste of Bret's rock-star lifestyle, she doesn't know if she can hang. Hungover Hannah tells Lacey and Heather that she knows in her heart that Bret's not the one for her. She thinks he's great and everything, but he's not it. Finally, one of these bitches comes to their senses! I knew I liked Brandi M. for a reason. Oh, but then. We flashback to her telling Bret that she loves him. "Bret Michaels is not the one for me. I know what my heart wants, and I know he's not it," she says. It hurts because she cares for him, she interviews, but she doesn't know how much more she can take of everything. Heather and Lacey are scandalized. Heather tells Brandi that she KNOWS Bret's the one for her. To wit: the back of her neck. Lacey, meanwhile, thinks this is the nail in Brandi's coffin. It probably is. Brandi will congratulate herself for this moment of sense and reason at a later date.

Elsewhere, Jes and Bret smooch after their night of coital grodiness. I know this is redundant, but: barf. Jes interviews that after spending the night with Bret she feels much closer to him physically, emotionally, and sexually. It's all good, she says. NAY! It is all the OPPOSITE OF GOOD! They had a hot night in sin city, and that's all she's going to say. Even that is too much. I don't love this show anymore AT ALL. Bret sends Jes back to L.A. in the limo so he can spend the rest of the day with the other girls and try to get to know more about them. Jes is at ease knowing that she and Bret have already connected. She heads home, where she can revel in her newfound Hep C.

Gypsy Rose and the Pukeys get Bret Mail. "Morning my raging ladies / You really tore it up last night / So today I set up something awesome / To get you feeling right." Bret is surprised to see that Lacey is alive and notes that all of them, and especially Brandi, looked tore up from the floor up. Tough talk from a man wearing skintight black jean shorts at the pool. Bret's arranged fun spa day treats for everyone, and is especially excited to join Heather for a hot stone rubdown. In case you were wondering whether Bret wears his bandana to a massage...well, actually, I'm sure you weren't wondering since the answer is obvious. I think a few hot stones to the scalp might provide some good stimulation, but then I am not a licensed aesthetician. With her face in the massage pillow, Heather tells Bret that she has a lot of feelings for him and thinks they have a lot of good times ahead. And, he adds, a lot of good food to eat. Subtle come-on. Brandi, meanwhile, knows that she fucked up with her confession to Heather and Lacey, and figures that their first instinct will be to throw her under the bus. To her credit, Heather momentarily resists the temptation because she doesn't want anything to spoil her good time with Bret. She figures Lacey will deal with it.

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Rock of Love

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