Rock of Love

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Vegas Baby

It's Brandi's turn to have spa fun times with Bret, as Lacey and Heather figure out how to spill the beans to him. Brandi tells Bret that she does have her guard up because she's afraid of getting hurt, and that she also struggles with whether she's good enough for him. Oh my God, LOOK AT HIM. In the words of Buddha, "Contemplate the bald bastard and the answer will come, you stupid ho." I think I'm going to dedicate myself to the cause of remedying the crippling self-esteem of Las Vegas strippers. The meals budget for that project would be tremendous. Bret tells Brandi that she's beautiful and fun to go to hockey games with. That's a pretty specific positive quality. Brandi interviews that she didn't mean what she said about Bret being all wrong for her, and now knows that she has to defend herself to Bret. Bret in perhaps his most toolish interview ever, and I know it's hard to choose, says, "She felt that she wanted to be much more friends, and uh, be intimate and be lovers, and there was a chance we'd make it as a boyfriend and girlfriend." I mean, when do you hear "lovers" and "boyfriend and girlfriend" in the same sentence? It's like high school yearbook meets Kim and Shane's love theme from Days of Our Lives. They smooch. I bet she still has pukey breath, too.

Brandi says that after talking to Bret she felt a connection, and is willing to stay. When they emerge from their cabana, Heather asks Brandi in front of Bret if she talked to him about what she wanted to talk about. Way to leave it to Lacey, strippo! Brandi says they had a good talk. Lacey knows that Brandi didn't spill her fart-producing beans and is pissed. She takes it upon herself to do so as she and Bret get foot massages. Bret says it's funny, because what Brandi told him was the opposite of what Lacey's telling him. Lacey is aggravated and says that Brandi flat-out lied to Bret's face. Or, perhaps she's lying to Lacey. In any case, Bret wonders if Lacey, being the crazy and malicious bitch that she is, is lying to him to get rid of Brandi. Bret tells Lacey that she is a little malicious, and he needs to watch her more and figure her out. Lacey seems to get a little teary at this. Or maybe she's puking from her eyes. Bret's gut is telling him that there's something wrong with Brandi, but he's on the fence about who to believe. For sure, though, he believes he can fly and touch the sky.

Bret tells the three girls that, amidst all the confusion and rumor-mongering, he's going to keep two of them in Vegas for a little longer and send one back to L.A. Lacey and Heather get to stay while Brandi, who is sucking down a pina colada, is dismissed. Lacey is happy about this development, but also worried about what Bret thinks of her. Well, now's a fine time to start caring about the opinions of others. She says she's not crazy. Maybe she is and maybe she isn't, but either way, if enough people around you think you're possessed by the devil, you might have a bit of a PR problem. It's why Hillary Clinton is retooling her campaign. Brandi knows she fucked up with her ill-timed confession to Lacey and Heather. She hopes that Bret will be able to see that she cares for him.

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Rock of Love

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