Rock of Love

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Vegas Baby

Heather and Lacey head to dinner with Bret. Man, Lacey really cannot walk in heels. To wit: check it out. Hang in there until at least 1:55. Girl makes one busted drag queen, is all I have to say. Except for this: HAAAAAAAAAA! Bret really wants to get to KNOW these ladies, and so has a few questions lined up. He asks why Heather thinks they'd work. Heather says that they have the same soul -- they're both big hearted and caring and thoughtful, and display it by chowing on the raw bar while their friends are in distress. They have the whole package, she says, which is hard to find. At the very least it's hard to find Bret's package amidst the wadded-up sock. Bret is on the fence about falling for Heather. Lacey is pleased that he's starting to have doubts. We then learn that the inspiration for "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" was in fact a dancer who broke Bret's heart. The guy has some serious PTSD issues from this. He also has a very conflicted relationship with rhythm, who is a dancer, but also a soul's companion. Bret is worried about pole emotions. Meaning, can he get Heather off of the stripping pole, and onto his? Heather says she's a very loyal person, and the fact that she is a dancer doesn't affect her ability to fall in love. It does, however, affect her ability to keep her shirt on, ever. She knows that he got his heart broken by the dancer but quite awesomely points out that that was, like, twenty years ago and he needs to get over it.

As Heather begins to say that she did have a guard up when she first started dancing, but doesn't now, Lacey interrupts to say that she'd really like to spend some more one-on-one time with Bret. Way to read a room, asshole. Heather thinks it's fucking rude, and notes that she and Bret have the biggest bond. Still, Lacey thinks Heather's spent a ton of time with Bret and she's gotten none. Bret, always at his best in moments of crisis, says, "Duly noted. Duly noted," and takes a fork full of potatoes. Lacey's going to do whatever she can to make Bret see what a great person she is. How's that going so far, you're wondering? Well, when she asks Bret if he can see them together, he notes that he doesn't do well dating manic-depressives. It's going to be a bit of an uphill battle, is all I'm saying. Oh, but then Lacey pulls out the dead mother card and even gets a little bit of a tear in her eye. Heather's response? "Oh my hell. Lacey is so good at playing Bret." It's true, because Bret says he's starting to understand and connect to her, and tells Heather that he'd like to have some one-on-one time with Lacey. Heather wants to stuff a cocktail shrimp up Bret's urethra. She tells us that her alliance with Lacey is over, and if Lacey gets in her way, she's going to be sorry. She must be at least secretly happy that she has no competition for the dessert tray.

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Rock of Love

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