Rock Star

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: A- | 443 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Nice Job. Get Out.

Brooke's introduction of Chris refers to his "controversial" performance of Roxanne. That word...I don't think it means what you think it means. I guess it was controversial in the sense that there were those who liked it (Chris) and those who hated it (everyone else). For tonight, he's singing "Take Me Out" by Franz Ferdinand. "Take Me Out"? Is that a dare? His hair's still curly tonight, which makes me wonder if he got a perm last week. I'm sorry to say his singing hasn't improved much, and his attempt to cover the lower limits of his range on the intro by going up an octave doesn't fool anyone. Neither does his repeated reading of the line, "I know I won't be leaving here." Lukas's expression indicates that he predicts otherwise. Chris hurls himself flat on his back at the end of the song, no longer satisfied to demonstrate just one meaning of the word "flop."

Dave's review is evocative: "It almost feels like I'm watching the winner of some kind of a contest at like a charity event that got a chance to...step up there and sing a song with a great rock band." Chris asks Dave to elaborate, but then won't shut up and let him answer. Dave says that Chris needs more authenticity. Jason agrees, and says that that's the one thing that Chris needs to work on the most. Even more than singing? Maybe they all just decided that isn't going to get any better, so they're just giving up and basically telling him, "Quit being such a poseur."

Brook introduces Dilana, who's standing in the wings wrapped all Dracula-like in a velvet cape, until she spreads her wings and waggles her tongue at the camera. She certainly does have those little moments down. Dilana takes the stage and starts singing "Ring Of Fire," low and slow, with the band quietly rocking behind her and dropping in a spooky minor chord here and there. The arrangement fits Dilana's voice, which still makes Stevie Nicks sound like an opera soprano. Tommy's expression is unreadable. Although you can't tell from her performance, she's actually quite nervous about this arrangement. See, in the webisode, she was regretting choosing this song almost immediately, and even asked everyone if somebody would switch with her. But no one would, and she came up with this risky idea. After her rehearsal with the House Band, Nate the drummer was like, "It's either going to get every single vote, or no votes." Dilana herself was even more succinct: "It could be my 'Roxanne.'" Hee! She drops the cape on the first chorus, revealing a black-and-maroon Morticia Addams getup underneath. The audience is a mass of raised, waving arms, and they cheer when she's finished, leaving her bouncing in relief. So you can see her heart drop right through the stage when Dave scowls at her and says, "So you took a classic Johnny Cash song and you changed it into that?" Dilana gives him a nervous-schoolgirl smile, which is kind of incongruous in light of all the facial hardware it has to work its way through. Lukas grins, either anticipating his biggest rival's smackdown or guessing what Dave's going to say next: "That was awesome!" Big cheers. Dilana's thrilled. Tommy and Gilby agree with Dave. The Nut Gallery claps dutifully. And, oh my God, do I want to play poker with Jill some time.

Rock Star

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