It's the Rock of Love reunion show! Hosted by Riki Rachtman of Headbangers Ball! What, Nina Blackwood was unavailable? Riki tells us that six months ago (nine months now), Bret Michaels opened his bachelor pad and his heart to twenty beautiful women. But none of them would have him, so he had to settle for a televised romp with twenty skanks. One "lucky" girl was crowned Bret's Rock Of Love. What does that even mean? Tonight, there will be lots of confrontation, and Bret and his lady love will see each other for the first time since filming ended! And let me assure you, it will be good times.

Riki introduces the Rock of Love girls, including the ones we forgot all about. Oh, and Big John! A lot of devil horns are made. And then Riki introduces Bret, who actually has a lot of credits to his name. Twenty-five million records sold, yadda yadda. He is wearing copious amounts of foundation and eyeliner and, leaving nothing to chance, totally has a wig on under his bandana. It has, like, long layers and there are two pieces pulled so they fall over his bandana to frame his face. He's, like, the gayest-looking homeless man I've ever seen. Riki says that this show was one of the highest rated in VH1's history, and Bret is a bigger star now than he ever was. I, er, um, well, cough. Bret says that the girls made the show huge. True that, dicksucker whorebag.

Riki notes that the love story between Bret and Jes wasn't the only one happening in the house. Yes, we get to relive the BFF-ery that transpired between Brandi C. and Kristia. It is a story involving lots of boobs, set, you will be surprised to learn, to the tune of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn." Can't someone develop a thornless rose, so then we can run up to Bret, wave it in his face and go, "HA! Wrong again." Brandi and Kristia take the stage, and Riki and Bret encourage them to put their boobs together if any deep thinking is required. It was funny when the girls said it, less so now. Kristia tells us that she and Brandi couldn't stand to be apart, and so are now roommates. They also took a road trip and broke down on the border of Utah and Wyoming on a Sunday, and no one would help them. I would think the Mormons couldn't wait to get their hands on these fertile-looking creatures. Brandi C. and Kristia took a video camera on their trip, but apparently didn't know how to use it and so got no footage. Riki talks to them like they're retards. Which, I guess you can't judge him too harshly for that. They're wearing homemade wedding dresses, in case Bret changes his mind and wants to take off for Vegas. They also reveal that they share the same bed a lot, then prattle on with a story that no one is listening to because of the tidbit that's just been revealed. Riki stumbles over his words, and Brandi C. tells him and Bret that if they put their boobs together, they can think better. Ha! Funny again. Bret and Riki pretend like they're going to rub chests, but then don't, because that would be gay or something.