Bret drops his three dates off at their bus, and that's when the real fun starts. Farrah wastes little time in asking Taya if she's ever been a stripper. Taya wants to know why Farrah is asking her that. Um, because you skillfully slid down a pole by strength of your vagina alone, you nit. Taya simply says, "Once upon a time." Yes, in the old days before she discovered that you could simply show your goods in print with much less effort. Farrah has heard that Taya called her and Ashley stripper-whores and looks down upon them because of their vocation. She interviews that Taya always acts holier-than-thou, but if you're spreading yourself in Penthouse it's hard to take that holiness seriously. Farrah adds that she doesn't even show her ass. Get out!
They move to arguing about Taya's whole Penthouse thing. Taya says she's proud of it, and that Farrah would be too. Farrah says she wouldn't wear a Penthouse scarf on a show to win somebody's love. Taya says she's wearing it because it's part of who she is and why she's allowed to be here. I'll beat Farrah to the punch by asking, "What the French?" Farrah says she's a stripper but doesn't bring a pole with her all the time, and tells Taya that she thinks she's just there to promote Penthouse. Taya is incensed, even though Farrah is totally right. Then the best thing happens. Things get heated and Kelsey yells that Taya is so fake that she uses her stage name instead of her real name. And her real name is Laurie! I wish it were "Eunice," but Laurie will have to do. Farrah is so excited by this development that she accidentally shows her boobs and requires a giant black censor box. Laurie yells that she's not lying and that Bret knows everything about her, which is why she's still there. Kelsey yells back that any guy in the world knows everything about her, all they have to do is turn to page 32. I have to say, touché! Laurie thinks that they're jealous and Kelsey shrieks, "Laaame! Laaaaaame!" She and Farrah are clearly already wasted, which, trust me, will pay great dividends later.