Rome
Rome

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B | 1531 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Screw My Mother-In-Law

Antony and Octavian are seated around the table next to Julii Cooper's courtyard. The meeting is being mediated by the lady of the house and Maecenas, and they've apparently already established that Herod's gift will be split three ways minus a finder's fee for Antony. In the future, they're to consult each other about naming any high offices, domestic or foreign, and all income, including bribes, will be placed in one treasury under a Saturnine priest. Octavian tersely agrees, and Julii Cooper tells them to shake hands. They grudgingly comply, and Octavian's about to excuse himself, but Julii Cooper's not done. She says that the infighting has the whole city worried, and now they need to make some kind of show of unity. "If a marriage was [sic] to happen between our two houses," she says, taking Antony's hand, which must have gone ice-cold by now, "nobody could doubt all was well." Antony's running out of dodges, but he looks at Octavian and deadpans, "I don't care if all Italy burns. I'll not marry him." Okay, hee! Julii Cooper turns to Octavian, who agrees that it's a good idea. "And the plebs love a good wedding," Maecenas adds. Trapped on all sides, Antony has no choice but to agree. Julii Cooper starts talking dates, and things get awkward and silent around the table. Octavian tells her that it's not exactly kosher for a woman to be around while they're discussing a marriage contract. What, even the bride (ahem)? Actually, on second viewing, I suspect that Octavian's already made his plan at this point, but Julii Cooper gets up from the table, asking only for enough time for her dressmaker to set her up.

Rome

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