Mark Antony's been in Egypt long enough to have had a couple of kids with Cleopatra, start wearing eyeliner, and turn into a crack whore like his new girlfriend. Yet he still dreams of returning to and ruling Rome. To that end, he's trying to provoke a war with Octavian by holding back grain shipments, and all of Rome is hungry. But the people blame Octavian for the famine, just because he's in charge and everybody loves Antony. Octavian sends Julii Cooper and Octavia to Egypt, ostensibly to try to reason with him, but really it's win-win for Octavian: he either gets the grain, or Antony publicly repudiates his wife and lover and loses the support of the Roman people. Antony does the latter, making his women bake in the sun outside until he sends Vorenus out to turn them away. Julii Cooper's seriously pissed, especially when Posca and Jocasta decide to stow away with them on their ship back to Rome. Once they all get back, Posca supplies Octavian with Antony's will, in which he declares himself Cleopatra's husband and bequeaths her Rome and the West. And now Octavian has his motivation -- and unanimous public support -- for his war. He asks Pullo to accompany him east so that he and Vorenus might mediate between the two parties, but Pullo's got some business to take care of at home first. While he's saying goodbye to Gaia (now his lover), his hairy, tongueless pet Memmio escapes from his cage in the Collegium basement and ends up mortally wounding her. Gaia makes a deathbed confession regarding the murder of Eirene, so Pullo strangles her and defiles her corpse. He'll be in a great mood when he gets to meet his son Caesarion next week. Oh, and there's way too much sex again.
Somewhere in Alexandria, Egypt, Vorenus lies awake in bed in the morning light. A woman with a curly mane of luxurious black hair is lying with her back to him. He gently wakes her, and Niobe rolls over and smiles at him, beautiful as ever. Which would explain why Indira Varma's name was in this week's opening credits. Instead of recoiling in horror at this vengeful revenant from the realm of the undead, Vorenus kisses her. But when he pulls back, she scowls and spews out something in a harsh-sounding language and an even harsher voice, like she's possessed. But the subtitles inform us that she's only telling him, "Took the sheet again, you hairy bastard." Vorenus finally wakes up enough to realize that he's in bed not with his resurrected wife, but with a hideous bald prostitute. Yikes. She sits up, complaining about his bad dreams, and plops her wig on her head. Top of the morning to you, too, lady. They climb out of bed and go to their respective basins. Yeah, good luck washing that sight out of your eyes, Vorenus. I don't think they've invented bleach yet, and even if they have, it's not going to be enough.
Vorenus heads out into the busy streets of Alexandria in his full Roman armor, tying his prefect's helmet on. The citizens nod respectfully to him as he passes. This is either because Romans in Egypt at this time enjoy special status, or because Vorenus has already scared the hell out of everyone in Egypt. I'm telling you right now that he's the only person in Roman armor we'll see all episode. He walks along the shore, turns right at the docks, and walks right into the royal compound as the gates are opened for him.
Inside the antechamber to the throne room, Vorenus finds Posca reclining on a couch with his hennaed feet up and his lips wrapped around a hookah. Posca is surprised to see that Vorenus has already finished his "monthly debauch." Rocking some thick Egyptian-style eyeliner, Posca claims that he's only smoking to settle his nerves. Vorenus asks where Antony is, and Posca says that he's physically in the throne room, having an audience with a Senator Bibulus and a delegation from Rome. As for why Posca's not in there with him, he says it's because Cleopatra growled at him, and he doesn't want to get killed. As Vorenus heads disapprovingly into the throne room, Posca claims, "It's not cowardice. Who would look after my wife?" That seems a little backward; I'd rather lose Jocasta than Posca any day.
In the throne room, Antony -- also working the hell out of the eyeliner look -- is giving Cleopatra, her court, and the Roman delegation a demonstration of hunting techniques.