How Titus Pullo Brought Down The Republic

Episode Report Card
Jessica: B- | 2 USERS: A+
How Titus Pullo Brought Down The Republic

Marc Antony and his retinue ride full-bore back to Gaul. Caesar gets a note from the courier they sent ahead, and asks how long it will take Marc Antony to get there. "No more than an hour, sir," the courier says. Caesar sighs thoughtfully. "Sound assembly," he says.

Back in Rome, the town crier is telling everyone to go ahead and kill Caesar if they run into him at the video store or wherever.

Meanwhile, Marc Antony and his men finally return to Caesar's encampment. And boy, are they dirty. Vorenus dramatically falls off his horse, holding his gut.

Marc Antony comes sweeping into Caesar's tent. Caesar tells him that, finally, Pompey has surprised him: "I had hoped to provoke some kind of aggression, sure, but to try and kill a tribune? In the forum? The man's found some hard black iron in his soul." Marc Antony just glugs some wine and says that he's sure the entire thing was engineered by "yon demented little worm Cato. It's excellent, this," he adds, of the wine. Caesar suggests seeing what "the men" have to say, and stops Marc Antony from washing his pretty, pretty face before they go out to review the troops. "You look just right as you are. Like Leonidas at Thermopylae" Of course, that's who he reminds me of!

"Any of your people I can mention?" Caesar asks, as he and Dirty Pretty Boy head out to whip their men into a fighting frenzy. Marc Antony tells him that Titus Pullo saved his life, so, you know, maybe him? Caesar nods, as a slave kneels on his hands and knees to act as a living stepstool so that Caesar can get on his horse. Nice moment, that. The troops are assembled. Caesar rides among them, announcing that he is now formally an enemy of Rome, and a criminal. Everyone boos. "They have declared, in effect, that all of you also are criminals." Boooooo! Caesar further explains that Marc Antony and some of the men of the 13th were assaulted by the Pompeians. "A Tribune of the Plebs assaulted on the steps of the Senate house! Can you imagine a more terrible sacrilege? Our beloved Republic is now in the hands of madmen! This is a dark day, and I stand at a fork in the road! I can abide by law and surrender my arms to the Senate and watch the Republic fall to tyranny and chaos! Or I can go home with my sword in my hand and run those maniacs to the Tarpian rock!" he yells. Everyone cheers and cheers. Dude, is that Tarpian rock? Then turn it up! And that is officially the dorkiest joke I have ever made.

Caesar calls for Pullo to step forward, which he does with great reluctance. I think he worries that he might be about to get blamed for this whole war thingie. He looks relieved indeed when Caesar explains that Pullo "drew first blood" to save Marc Antony, and then tosses him a big old bag of money. Caesar then asks if Pullo will come with him to Rome. "Yes," Pullo says softly, and then recovers. "Yes sir! Certainly!" he shouts. "Titus Pullo is with me! And you? Are you with me?" Caesar asks the troops. Luckily for him, they are totally with him! Pullo smiles. Marc Antony looks secretly pleased and proud. And dirty. Also hot.

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