Rome
How Titus Pullo Brought Down The Republic

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How Titus Pullo Brought Down The Republic

Cut to a road in the middle of nowhere, where Marc Antony, that scamp, is fucking a tree. Oh, excuse me. That was a bad camera angle. He has a shepardess shoved up against the tree and he is actually fucking her. The entire convoy -- including Vorenus, Pullo, and little Octavian -- wait for him to, you know, finish up. Pullo seems thrilled to be on the road to Rome. In fact, he's got big plans: "I'm gonna drink every drink, smoke every smoke, and fuck every whore in the city!" he crows. Vorenus tells him to have some dignity while he's "under the standard." Pullo nods toward the Tree of Love and points out that Marc Antony isn't showing a lot of dignity. But he is showing a lot of stamina under great scrutiny, I'd like to point out. Vorenus mutters that Marc Antony isn't exactly under the standard, being, you know, over there against the tree with the girl and the sheep and whatnot. Pullo notes to Octavian that Vorenus is three hours away from a wife he hasn't seen in eight years, and is "terrified." Octavian and his lilting accent notes that "surely a reunion is a happy event." Pullo shakes his head and explains the vast number of things that could have gone wrong in the last eight years: "What if she's lost her teeth? What if she's gone skinny? What if she's let some other man between her legs?" Irked, Vorenus calls for silence, but Pullo just grins.

Over by the tree, Marc Antony finally finishes up and gives the shepardess an affectionate slap on the ass before trotting through the sheep and back to his horse with a crow of victory. That man has a fantastic grasp of time-management in the workplace.

And Mark Antony is much loved in Rome, apparently, as he is greeted with the usual when he rides into town: screaming crowds, flowers flung from on high, trumpets, etc. This is much the way I am greeted when I get into the office in the morning. Cato and Pompey watch the uproar, irritably. For what it's worth, I am seeing far too much of Cato's right man-boob right now. Pull up your toga before you leave the house, dude. Cato and his man-boob bitterly mutters that having the love "of the plebs and the proles" doesn't mean much, and he and Pompey storm off.

As for Marc Antony, he salutes the crowd and dismisses his men until he needs them again. He specifically tells Vorenus to go "have some fun," thereby proving that he knows Vorenus not at all: "But first, take [Octavian] back to [Julii Cooper]. Get your reward." Marc Antony starts to take off his armor -- and it is here that I must admit that I think I might be madly, madly in love with him, even if he is given to screwing shepardesses in front of fifty men -- and asks Octavian to tell Julii that he, Marc Antony will see her later. Octavian wrinkles his nose. Marc Antony then heads inside the Senate house -- or something. It's some official Roman-type building thing. Let's just say it's the Senate house -- with a grumpy "Let's get this over with."

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Rome

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