Rome
How Titus Pullo Brought Down The Republic

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Jessica: B- | 1 USERS: A+
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How Titus Pullo Brought Down The Republic

So Vorenus and Pullo part ways on the streets, Vorenus rather kindly giving Pullo directions to least skanky whorehouse. "Next to the venereal temple," it is. Well, yes, it would be over there, wouldn’t it?

So Vorenus heads home, through rather run-down streets. He walks into a courtyard, where it seems that a man is doing something distinctly unholy to a goat. Although maybe he's just milking it...from behind? Let's speak no more of this. Finally, Vorenus sees his wife, lovingly lit from above, etc. She turns, and sees him. And she just happens to be cradling a baby. "Niobe," Vorenus says. Everyone around them looks at the ground, or the sky, or the guy abusing the goat -- anywhere but at the woman with the baby. "You're alive," Niobe stammers. "What child is that? Answer me. What child is that?" Vorenus snaps. "He's your grandson," Niobe offers. "Speak sense, whore," he spits. Truly, is this not a romantic reunion, the likes of which we have all dreamed? "Your grandson. THE SON OF YOUR DAUGHTER," Niobe repeats, and is forced to remind Vorenus that his daughter is almost fourteen. I know people got married and procreated younger back in Ye Olden Times, but I have to step aside for a moment and say, ew. "His name is Lucius," Niobe tells him, and stomps upstairs. He comes after her, entering the apartment just after Niobe shoves the baby into her eldest daughter's arms. "Your father's home," she hisses, as he comes in. Everyone stares at each other, stunned, until Vorenus awkwardly notes that he's pleased to see them "healthy and good-looking." Everyone stands around awkwardly until Niobe coaxes the girls into a good old-fashioned "welcome home, Dad!" kneel.

Senate House. The crazy ritual appointing Marc Antony People's Tribune is STILL GOING ON. The more I see of this ritual, the more it looks like something out of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Marc Antony sighs, looking terribly bored. It's all he can do not to examine his manicure.

House of Vorenus. The baby wails as Vorenus eats dinner. Niobe sends the kids out of the room and says, "Your pay stopped coming a year ago. The paymaster said you must be dead. He said they don't make mistakes." Vorenus grunts that he'll have it seen to. "Bit of a surprise to see me, then?" he asks. "Bit of a surprise to be called whore," Niobe says. Oh, right. That. Vorenus sighs. "That was...wrong. I am sorry for it," he tells her. Not content to accept his apology and, you know, move on with their lives, Niobe shifts into Nag Mode: "A whore, in front of everybody," she continues. He reiterates that he said he was sorry. Cue yet another awkward silence, as Vorenus goes back to eating. "It as you like it?" Niobe inquires, finally. "Less salt next time," Vorenus tells her, and she rolls her eyes. He wonders what she did for money while he was presumed dead, and she explains that her sister and brother-in-law helped out. "Well, you won't need their help anymore," Vorenus says, and empties his Wee Bag of Spoils, which includes "a big Phallus" he got from "a Suevii" he killed. Apparently, they're "a very strong and fierce people," he says. "Nice," Niobe offers. Vorenus explains that he's put his official spoils "into slaves" -- like oil, I guess -- and that he should clear 10,000 dinari. At this, Niobe smiles. Vorenus looks a little alarmed that she's so pleased about their newfound riches. She then looks alarmed that he's so alarmed. And the scene ends with the two of them staring off awkwardly into the middle distance. Ah, marriage.

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