Kalends Of February

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: A | Grade It Now!
Caesar Finale
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

So remember how, last week, Vorenus jumped into the arena to save Pullo, and I wondered what kind of trouble he was getting into in the process? I suppose I never considered the possibility that maybe no one would notice.

And now it turns out that that's just as well, since the story has already been adapted for the Roman stage. We're watching another play-within-an- HBO-series-episode as the show begins. A pantomime of last week's arena scene is in progress before a cheering and cringing daytime audience that includes Julii Cooper and Octavia (although those two aren't so much cheering). The actor playing Pullo is actually a fair likeness of the one we know, but the special effects here aren't nearly as convincing. If these pantomime actors had any dedication to their craft whatsoever, they'd be flinging the contents of a butcher's castoff bin into the crowd. Amateurs. Not-Pullo pretends to beat down some not-gladiators while the crowd chants Pullo's name. Then a castmate comes out on another actor's shoulders to represent Gayliath, swinging a fake skull-shaped mace and everything. Not-Pullo goes down, which cues the entrance of the actor playing Vorenus, wearing a blood-red tunic and a huge curly wig in a hue that would be too garish for a fire engine. Not-Vorenus defeats Not-Gayliath and slides the mace-handle down the back of Not-Gayliath's tunic (much less screaming this time, but again, it's pantomime) then shares a joyous embrace with Not-Pullo. Julii Cooper comments to Octavia, "It's quite good, but they're far more handsome in real life."

Speaking of which, here's yet another attempt to capture Pullo's image. A bearded artist sits by Pullo's bed in a crowded, primitive hospital, sketching the ex-convict's copiously bandaged and sleeping head. But when Pullo abruptly wakes up, he puts a stop to that by grabbing the man and yanking him close to demand what the hell he's up to. The artist says he's only taking Pullo's likeness. Pullo obviously doesn't know what that means, and looks like he's about to demand it back. The artist manages to explain that he's been commissioned (by the Aventine Cloth-Dyers' Association, which means Vorenus's neighbors) to do a mural of Pullo and Vorenus in the arena. Pullo still doesn't get it, so the artist explains that Pullo and Vorenus are famous now: "The whole city loves you, sir. You and Magistrate Vorenus are symbols of brotherly love and redemption." He says there probably isn't a lady in Rome that Pullo couldn't have right now, if Pullo were in Rome, which apparently he isn't. Pullo's mood markedly improves, although he forgets to release his death grip on the artist's collar until the poor guy reminds him that he'd like to return to his own personal space, thanks very much. Pullo lets go of the artist, but holds on to the portrait a bit longer to admire it. It's a good thing he approves, considering that the artist is actually intimidated by a guy in a hospital bed.

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