Episode Report Card
M. Giant: C+ | 1 USERS: A+
Pompey's Circumstance

Octavia and Servilia lie in bed together, asleep. So Octavia presented Servilia with Biggus Dickus the well-hung slave, but Servilia's having sex with Octavia instead? She's like a little kid who gets a huge, extravagant gift, and then only wants to play with the box. No pun intended.

For the second time, Pompey awakens early in the morning to find Roman soldiers leaving him. "Go back to sleep," Vorenus tells him, and finishes loading up a pack horse. Pompey rolls over and obeys as Pullo and Vorenus head out.

Pullo's got plenty to say about the matter. Once they're well on the trail, he complains to Vorenus. "Unwise and unfriendly, I call it," he carps. Vorenus listens patiently as Pullo vents about the reward they just pissed away: "Never mind horses. Never mind gold. Caesar would have given us farms and fields and orchards and great flocks of slaves and cattle and Dis knows what." Vorenus cuts him off, saying, "Pompey Magnus is not some damn slave to be sold for money." No compunctions about robbing him blind, mind you. "Don't see why not," Pullo complains. "There's a great deal you don't see," Vorenus says. "There's a great deal he doesn't see, neither," Pullo grumbles to the pack horse. "Tell the recapper I'm a fucking mule," the pack horse responds.

Back at Caesar's camp -- which I don't know how everyone is always able to find so easily ["you know Romans and their roads all the time -- they were probably sticklers for signage, too" -- Wing Chun] -- the two soldiers are presenting themselves to the boss. Vorenus stands at attention before the big old desk, Pullo behind him and to one side, and Mark Antony as a sort of one-man peanut gallery. "You and only twelve other men survived that storm," Caesar exposits to them. "Out of five thousand. You're being kept alive for some great purpose." Pullo starts to say something modest, but shuts up quickly after looks from Vorenus and Antony. "He has some interesting news," Antony says of Vorenus, and sits down to watch the show. Vorenus duly reports that they met Pompey, family, and servants on the way. "A mule train," Mark Antony deadpans. "Priceless." Vorenus adds that Pompey plans to sail for Egypt. Oh, and now we see that Posca is there as well. Caesar asks if Pompey didn't have any soldiers with him. "Not one man left, not one," Mark Antony confirms. "Oh, poor wretch." Clearly he's heard this story already. Caesar leans way back in his chair and asks why Vorenus didn't capture him, then. "Now, here's the onion," Mark Antony interjects, gunning for a recapper gig. Vorenus explains that Pompey was weak and broken, and he saw no need to take him in: "I'd like to add that Legionary Pullo took no part in my decision, sir." Caesar, starting to get really pissed, says that as long as Pompey is alive, their enemies may still rally around him: "As long as he can be propped on a horse, he is dangerous. But you saw no need to apprehend him?" Vorenus says he didn't. Caesar shoots to his feet and sputters, "Who by the sons of Dis gives you the right to make such judgement?" Vorenus calmly asks for Caesar's pardon. Caesar says he ought to have Vorenus scourged and crucified. Vorenus remains expressionless, while Pullo quietly reacts as though he thinks that would be bad. After a nice, long glare, Caesar reminds Vorenus that mercy is Caesar's thing, and that he doesn't want any whippersnappers biting his moves. Or something like that. "Dismissed," he says. Vorenus and Pullo salute, turn, and exit in crisp unison.

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