Episode Report Card
M. Giant: C+ | 1 USERS: A+
Pompey's Circumstance

No sooner have Pullo and Vorenus gone than a shocked Mark Antony says to Caesar that Vorenus should be made an example of. So that other soldiers don't let Pompey go when they randomly run into him in completely impossible circumstances. Hate for someone else to make the same mistake later on. Caesar says that he would punish any other man. "But those two...they found my stolen standard. Now they survive a wreck that drowned an army and find Pompey Magnus on a beach. They have powerful gods on their side, and I will not kill any man with friends of that sort." Yes, I believe those gods are named Bruno Heller, John Milius, and Full-Season Contract. That dispensed with, Caesar announces that they're off to Egypt...

...where Pompey is just arriving. You can tell by the palm trees on the horizon. He sits in the bow of a small launch as it's rowed toward shore, while Cornelia and the kids watch from behind, still on board the ship on which they sailed here. Pompey climbs over the side into the knee-deep water and begins wading slowly toward the beach, where a welcoming party awaits. One of them is a soldier of European appearance in an unfamiliar uniform, but since we're in Egypt, I think we can safely assume that the outfit is not Peruvian. He hands his helmet to another man and walks to meet Pompey in the shallow water. He introduces himself as one Lucius Septimius, a name rife with significance to anyone who knows their Roman history better than I do. But I shall recap the following scene anyway, in case you're not. Septimius reminds Pompey that he was with him in Spain, and Pompey pretends to remember. He asks what Septimius is doing there, and the answer is, "Working for the Gyppos...A man's got to earn his salt, eh?" Yes, dropping ethnic slurs is hard work. Pompey complains about the poor welcoming party, and Septimius simply comments that the Egyptians are "funny people, eh?" Pompey agrees, and clasps hands with Septimius with a hearty "Onward, friend." But while holding Pompey's arm, Septimius draws a knife with his free hand and plunges it into Pompey's torso. Let it be said of Pompey that he was once a great warrior, a powerful Roman, a towering figure of history. But he had the worst friends ever. Back on the ship, Cornelia covers the children's eyes so that they can't see what happens next. Which is Pompey sinking helplessly to his knees in the surf. Septimius says, "I'm sorry, sir," and whacks off Pompey's head with a scimitar. I don't think there's going to be any coming back from that. The screen goes black for a long time before the credits start. I imagine Cornelia saying, "Yeah, I don't think we'll go ashore just yet."

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