We rejoin Antony in his office, and he's got guests: Cleopatra and her small retinue, including Poor Man's Linda Hunt from last season's Egypt episode. Cleopatra looks better now that she's grown her hair out from prison length. Antony makes small talk in his usual borderline offensive way, smirking like a porn star. He comments on her changed appearance and she wonders if she's even seen him before. "Those uniforms you wear...you all look alike," she shrugs. Plus they all have the same haircut, which doesn't help. Antony asks what seems to be bringing Cleo down, and she's kind of surprised that he would ask, given that the father of her child (supposedly) is recently dead and all. She says that she and Caesar were as husband and wife, which would probably be news to Calpurnia. Antony is quietly amused at the thought of "a Roman Consul with a 'Gyptian wife." She starts to take offense, so it falls to Posca to defuse things. That's going to be floating to the top of his job description fairly quickly, I'd wager. He says that it's time to begin negotiations. Basically, Rome agrees to continue backing Cleopatra's queendom, in exchange for regular grain shipments from Egypt to Rome from which Mark Antony will get a large cut of the profits. Posca and Poor Man's Linda Hunt dicker briefly but efficiently over the size of the cut, and quickly reach an agreement. For this she had to sail all the way from Alexandria?
Mark Antony's ready to end the meeting now, but Cleopatra has one more item: her son is four years old, and is starting to ask questions about his father. She wants to be able to tell the kid that he's legal. "It will never happen," Antony says, drifting around to the front of his desk. "The people wouldn't like it." She says that it's not political, but just for the sake of the kid. "A simple public declaration of paternity would suffice," she says, the very incarnation of reasonableness. Antony wonders what's in it for him, and she offers her "eternal gratitude." Of course, whenever Mark Antony hears "eternal gratitude" from a woman, it only makes him wonder if that includes anal. So he moves in slowly and whispers something in the Queen's ear that I can't hear. I don't think we're meant to, though. It's a bit like Kenny from South Park. Rather than slapping his face, Cleo merely smiles, "That's possible." But when he moves in for a kiss, she dodges, standing up to face him. "Declare my boy a lawful son of Caesar and we shall be friends," she says. He wonders why she doesn't trust him, and she cites his "changeable look." Antony pleasantly objects, and reaches to touch her face. With one movement, she pushes his hand away and slaps him twice across the face. "It is not permitted to touch," Poor Man's Linda Hunt drones. Antony collects his temper and tells Cleo, "Nice manners for a whore." She leaves, saying that she's prepared to prostitute herself if necessary, but the customer pays first. Antony smirks, "Your son will eat shit and die before I make him legal." "You see? Very changeable," she tut-tuts. Cleo and her entourage take their leave, but apparently they'll be seeing each other again tomorrow at dinner. Sounds uncomfortable and awkward. I'll be there.