Stealing From Saturn

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: C | 1 USERS: B+
Toga Parties

Lyde is also out on the floor, dirty-dancing with some young guy who's not her husband. Evander looks on unhappily. Vorenus returns to his table to chat up Erastes some more, oblivious. As Niobe watches her sister act out, her nosy neighbor Mrs. Kravus comes up to her and suggests that it's time to get Lyde out of there. Niobe asks Mrs. Kravus to go suggest as much to Evander. Mrs. Kravus does, but Evander doesn't think Lyde wants to go. "So make her go," Mrs. Kravus bosses. Evander tries to cut in and get Lyde to leave with him, but she wants to stay. And if Evander doesn't leave her alone, she says, "I'll tell our brave soldier such a good tale." This is accompanied by an unhinged smile in the direction of Vorenus, who's cluelessly schmoozing with Erastes. "And kill us all?" Evander says. "Is that what you want?" As they make more and more of a scene, the noise they make is drowned out by the music and the dancers, at least for now. Niobe approaches them to remind Lyde desperately that she made a vow to Persephone to hold her peace. Lyde calls Vorenus a blind fool, and then repeats it at top volume. Now even Vorenus knows something up, and he's on his way over to investigate. As the music accelerates, so does the altercation in the middle of the dance floor, until they tip over the little shrine to Janus and the god's clay head shatters on the ground. Vorenus freezes in horror. This must be bad. On the plus side, all of the little Roman children who were turned into real-life versions of their Halloween costumes are back to normal now.

The Chief Augur is by himself again at Julii Cooper's. Caesar approaches Posca and asks, "Wife?" Posca thinks a minute -- or maybe he realizes how much of their money is about to get spent -- and answers, "Caecilia." Without wasting another moment, Caesar approaches the Chief Augur and sits next to him, apologizing for forgetting Caecilia's last birthday. The Chief Augur has no idea what this is about, even as Mark Antony takes up position on the other side of him. Caesar wonders if Caecilia would forgive Caesar's rudeness if he offered a gift. The Chief Augur says that's not necessary, and Caesar pretends that means it's hard to know what to give a woman. "Perhaps she would accept some money," Mark Antony blurts. Handy for Caesar to have a vulgarian around sometimes. He readily agrees: "A hundred thousand sesterce, say?" Wow, that's ten times the signing bonus for a reluctant first-grade prefect in the Evocati! But the Chief Augur laments that his wife is a woman of expensive tastes. "The best women often are," Mark Antony remarks. Caesar offers 150,000. The Chief Augur complains significantly, "She would dress her slaves in silk if I would let her. She eats oysters for breakfast. Daily." "She should be most careful," Mark Antony Zmeds, leaning in close. "People often choke on oysters." Caesar, ever the carrot man, offers 200,000, which the Chief Augur pronounces "a very generous and, I may say, appropriate gift." "We understand each other," Caesar says, and turns to a waiting Posca to say, "Make a note of it. Two hundred to the Chief Augur." "Thinks he's Midas, the loon," Posca mutters. It's not immediately clear which loon he's referring to.

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