Rome
Stealing From Saturn

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: C | 1 USERS: B+
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Toga Parties

Which is clumsily mirrored in the pace of the party outside. The music's picked up, as has the lewd dancing. Octavia drinks. Caesar seizes. Dancers dance, faster and faster. Caesar seizes harder and harder. Servilia watches the dancers. Julii Cooper watches Servilia. Octavia passes out. Caesar keeps Caesing while Posca holds him down. Julii Cooper gestures for Octavia to be carried off. The Chief Augur belches extravagantly. The editing has suddenly gotten all climactic, which, without the proper buildup beforehand, just feels unearned and rushed. Word to the wise, boys. The dance comes to an abrupt end, as does the music. In the silence, the kitchen maid is left listening outside the pantry door as Caesar finishes letting out a series of loud, rhythmic grunts which are wordless, but, if translated into Latin, would probably sound a lot like the first word of Caesar's famous quote, "Veni, vidi, vici.." Maybe-Demeter skulks away from the door.

Inside the pantry, Caesar is coming back to himself. With his first breath, he tells Octavian never to speak of this. Octavian nods, bummed that he never even got his compliment.

The door opens, and Octavian comes out, immediately followed by an exhausted- and guilty-looking Caesar. Neither of them sees the kitchen maid marking their exit. And neither does Posca, who for some reason waited a little longer to come out, so the maid doesn't see him emerge. This is what I'm saying about rumors getting started.

Caesar stiffly returns to the party, where Calpurnia is quickly at his side and asking if he's all right. Caesar assures her that it's nothing serious. Calpurnia decides it's time to go, and they go to take their leave from Julii Cooper. "As you wish, of course," Julii Cooper says, trying to hide her disappointment. Calpurnia leads a shaky Caesar out the door while Julii Cooper stands there looking like someone just pissed in her face.

Outside, Calpurnia assures Caesar that she had a nice evening. "Your niece Atia is most polite, and the Chief Augur made many edifying remarks on religion." Okay, we know how she really feels about Julii Cooper, so now I'm all curious about what the Chief Augur said. Anyway, Caesar breaks the news that he's not coming home with her right away. "I have urgent business with my marsupial clerks," he explains. Caesar had kangaroos and koala bears who knew how to work adding machines? Awesome! What did he want to rule Rome for? Calpurnia is mildly scandalized that Caesar is conducting business at night, while not feeling well. Caesar says that he has to be ready to chase down Pompey when Pompey refuses the truce. Calpurnia is surprised to hear that Pompey will refuse. "I believe [he will]," Caesar says, kissing her formally on the hand before she boards her litter to depart.

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Rome

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