Rome
Testudo Et Lepus (The Tortoise And The Hare)

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B- | Grade It Now!
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A New Man

And then there's a "tasteful" little montage of the house trying to go about its business, attempting to ignore the female screams emanating from below and totally bringing everyone down. The slaves look at each other, thinking, "There was a lot less screaming going on when I interviewed for this gig."

And it's been a while, because when we return, Servilia's hands are trussed to a rope hanging from the ceiling. Timon's scourging her and has stripped to his leather harness and jog bra. Seriously, that's what it looks like. All I know is that it's spectacularly unflattering, especially with him all sweaty and out of breath. Julii Cooper asks Servilia if she's had enough. Her captive raises her face, and it's a mask of blood. A curved slash has been carved across the top of her forehead, and she looks like Carrie at the prom. It's horrifying to behold, although I suspect that it looks worse than it is. ["I seem to recall that that's a big move in pro wrestling, because a scalp cut bleeds a ton and looks dramatic, but doesn't actually hurt that much." -- Wing Chun] After everything she's endured, Servilia's got enough resistance left in her to spit in Julii Cooper's face. Pissed, Julii Cooper walks back over to Timon and tells him to get back to work. "What do you want me to do?" Timon demands angrily. Totally missing his tone, Julii Cooper tells him to cut off Servilia's face. I'm no lawyer, but it seems to me like that might undercut her planned "self-defense" claim. "Your honor, I had no choice! She came at me with some poison, so naturally I was forced to have her kidnapped, ass-raped, flogged, half-scalped, and un-faced. Anybody would have done the same." Upon receiving his offensive order, Timon gets right up in Julii Cooper's personal space, but she's unintimidated, telling him to do it. Timon picks up his wicked, curved knife and walks back over in front of Servilia. But instead of her face, his knife cuts the rope holding her in a vertical position. She drops like a felled sapling, and he yells at her to get up. She can't, so he picks her up and drags her toward the exit. When Julii Cooper tries to intervene, Timon grabs his boss by the throat and roars, "I am not an animal! I am not a fucking animal!" No, animals aren't so imaginative about hurting each other, and spit less when they talk. Julii Cooper sinks to the ground, still holding her throat even when Timon releases her.

Meanwhile, Servilia has made it to the street. She's a ragged, bloody, desperate mess who attracts the attention but not the assistance of the passing citizenry. She staggers off. And my thanks to the PA who remembered to daub a giant bloody splotch on the back of her skirt. It's the little details that really bring this show to life, you know. Timon watches Servilia go, and then storms off in another direction, ideally to prevent the ancestors of Stanley Milgram from ever meeting.

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