Maria's house. Cooking ephemera sits all around the kitchen, Maria and Hal chopping and stirring and simmering because cooking = sex. Maria returns to the safe plot at hand, telling Hal, "I can't believe you're doing it. Moving to New York." He even specifies an area: "Greenwich Village." For a production team that spent a considerable amount of time butchering the topology of New York for much of last season, I'm impressed that Hal didn't go for the straight phonetic pronunciation of "Greenwich." Let's just hope he doesn't say that he's going to be living on "Houston Street," lest this show's Gotham credibility be threatened anew. Maria offers the Fodor's blurb of the Village, telling us that that's where the "seedy bars and coffee shops" are. Oh, that Village. The one that exists entirely on TV. In 1991. In Seattle. Maria asks what he plans to do about money, and he tells her, "As long as I make enough to get by, I'm fine, you know?" And now, the New York perspective: No. I don't know. And the first time you're standing on Bleecker paying nine bucks for a slice of pizza, neither will you and your Bohemian self. Because another starving artist is just exactly what New York needs right now. Go. Strum. Take the economy right on down with you. Bum. But Maria finds the whole idea "romantic," and Hal tells her that "even back then, you were pretty dead serious about music. I mean, you were the one who gave me the bug." Ew. Maria claims that music turned out to be just "a passing thing" with her, and Hal tells her he has trouble believing that. Then he helps her cook, which is suave and rude.
Jesse stands in front of the mirror in his bathroom, Isabel sitting on the edge of the shower, Jesse vamping, "Your father introduced me to some clients as his son-in-law. You think I should start calling him 'Dad'?" Isabel doesn't hear a word, as she looks down at the floor and notes, "This floor is way too hard." Eh? "We could use a blanket." She runs out of the room and grabs a blanket. Why? "So we can have sex!" Oh. Why? "It's tradition that when a couple moves into their new place, they make love in every room of the house." Jesse snorts a small sigh that says, "Well then, that's only twice and then I can get back to flossing and admiring my own pecs, no?" They sit down on the blanket, and Jesse turns the conversation further from sex (well, from sex with Isabel, anyway), telling her that Isabel's dad keeps asking Jesse what he thinks happened on Max's little crime spree through Utah. Jesse apparently told Monopoly Nazi, "I think Max is hiding something. Damned if I know what it is." Isabel gets mad about their continued interruptus of her new life with Jesse, and slams the door with her on the other side. Jesse gets to his knees (never mind) and screams at the closed door, "What did I just do?" Well, of all the things in that bathroom, wanting nothing inside you so much as the floss is probably the first problem, but I can make a list for you later if you'd like.