Roswell
Roswell

Episode Report Card
Djb: C- | 417 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Bring 'Em Young

Opening credits: I guess the look is different enough, but the sound of the theme song is drowned out by the damn dueling St. Clares bellowing from the bookshelf, "Wait, isn't this the one with Eminem?" Get with the times, ladies.

And now, mystifyingly, are the previouslys. I half expect them to show the opening sequence again and be all, "What do you want? That was previous." Hey, crack Roswell editing team? Find a stick. Then get on it.

Cut to interior Gritty Utah Police Station, night. Max and Liz are shepherded past other Wrongdoers Of The Heartland, past those caught with the controlled substances of caffeine and monogamous matrimony and dragged to the Mormon jail. You police are animals! This hell is no place for children! As the fingerprinting and the mug shooting get underway, we're clued into the flashbacky nature of this episode, as Max's voice-over kicks in: "So I was wondering if you wanted to, y'know, see me." Liz VO responds, "You mean, on a date?" Spacey VO Max: "Just somewhere we could talk. I really want to start over, Liz." Is this a song cue? It sounds like he's about to congratulate her on the skillful way she beats the other girls to the bride's bouquet.

And speaking of doing the time warp again, the Blind Date Captioner For Hire lets us know that it's suddenly "Three Months Earlier," and we cut to Max walking up to the front door of the Crashdown and handing Liz a bouquet of white roses. She's decked out in a pink twin set. He thinks she looks "amazing." I think she looks like the bastard child of Mary Kay and a pack of tropical Starburst. What a stark difference of opinion we're having. Liz smiles moistly and asks Max -- moistly -- "So, where are we goink?" Max whispers, "It's a surprise." Liz does not take the prevailing advice of millions and respond, "Surprise me by being uncreepy enough to at least tell me where the hell we're going," instead following blindly and taking us along for the ride.

Roswell

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