Opening credits: I guess the look is different enough, but the sound of the theme song is drowned out by the damn dueling St. Clares bellowing from the bookshelf, "Wait, isn't this the one with Eminem?" Get with the times, ladies.
And now, mystifyingly, are the previouslys. I half expect them to show the opening sequence again and be all, "What do you want? That was previous." Hey, crack Roswell editing team? Find a stick. Then get on it.
Cut to interior Gritty Utah Police Station, night. Max and Liz are shepherded past other Wrongdoers Of The Heartland, past those caught with the controlled substances of caffeine and monogamous matrimony and dragged to the Mormon jail. You police are animals! This hell is no place for children! As the fingerprinting and the mug shooting get underway, we're clued into the flashbacky nature of this episode, as Max's voice-over kicks in: "So I was wondering if you wanted to, y'know, see me." Liz VO responds, "You mean, on a date?" Spacey VO Max: "Just somewhere we could talk. I really want to start over, Liz." Is this a song cue? It sounds like he's about to congratulate her on the skillful way she beats the other girls to the bride's bouquet.
And speaking of doing the time warp again, the Blind Date Captioner For Hire lets us know that it's suddenly "Three Months Earlier," and we cut to Max walking up to the front door of the Crashdown and handing Liz a bouquet of white roses. She's decked out in a pink twin set. He thinks she looks "amazing." I think she looks like the bastard child of Mary Kay and a pack of tropical Starburst. What a stark difference of opinion we're having. Liz smiles moistly and asks Max -- moistly -- "So, where are we goink?" Max whispers, "It's a surprise." Liz does not take the prevailing advice of millions and respond, "Surprise me by being uncreepy enough to at least tell me where the hell we're going," instead following blindly and taking us along for the ride.
The big "surprise" is that he takes her to an empty, pitch-black boating dock on the edge of town in the middle of the night. Why, this certainly is a so-called surprise. And thus comes the moral of our story: only date guys with a lot of money. Liz shrugs, I guess rating this date on a sliding scale against the-night-we-burrowed-for-grubs and the-one-with-the-hand-shadow-animals-on-the-wall-of-your-living-room, and smiling meekly. And she only has one white rose left, because I guess they let him keep the deposit on the rented roses. Get a job, future boy. Liz looks around fearfully and notes, "It's kinda dark." With a wave of the hand, Max molecularly manipulates Christmas lights into the trees, inciting in Liz a very "opening credits of Full House" reaction, where she realizes something wacky has been done, realizes the camera is there to preserve the moment forever, and smiles knowingly in resignation. You're wacky, Uncle Jesse! Liz turns back to Max, who begins back up on the dock, solemnly intoning, "Liz, I just want to put everything that happened behind us." Liz recaps the entirety of last season's developments, retorting, "I would too if I had impregnated an alien who killed one of my best friends and then left the planet with my unborn child." Whoa! Take my contract! Please! Max asks if she's still not "over that," and Liz responds that Max hurt her, and she doesn't know what to do blah. They walk and talk; Max tells her, "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. Isabel, Michael, and I. We've lost our only way home. There's no way back." Blah blah. "I want to be with you." Liz asks about the son and the pregnant and the Tess and the nagging, nattering matters that yielded twenty-one cumulative hours of television, sixteen virtually interchangeable blondes, and something called "the Skins," and Max boils it all down to the truth we'd all suspected: "[My son] is going to be born into a world I have nothing to do with. I've accepted it." He turns to her: "Liz, you've paid a lot to know me." He pauses, as if suddenly remembering that the checks for the "Give Liz Some Damn Friends Fund" are actually cut by her parents, and changes the subject straightaway. Har har. Instead, he tries this approach: "You've been hurt. You've been put in danger. Now I want to make all that up to you. I want to make your dreams come true. Will you let me do that?" Blue Fairy?