I haven't seen a diamond heist this dramatic and realistic since The Great Muppet Caper. And at least those damn socks with googly eyes knew how to sing! So, over to the Mallory Gallery we go, where a regal cocktail party goes on around several QVC diamonds and Max is a tuxedoed bartender (it's brilliant!) and Liz a cocktail waitress (it's briiiiiilliant!). It's so nice to see them finally recognizing their limits. Not that being a professional cocktail waitress is such a bad lot in life. The Grande Dame of Santa Fe diamonds, the Delores Browning, kicks up a conversation with not-old-enough-to-legally-serve-alcohol Max that lasts long enough for not-old-enough-to-legally-serve-alcohol Liz to catch on and move over to Create The Diversion. The diversion? Acting like she's acting, and doing so unbelievably badly. "What the hell are you doing?" What's that? "What? The hell? Are? You Doing?" She yells at Max for flirting with a woman "twice his age" (she's a sprightly ninety, that Browning is), and ups the stakes when she calls the owner of the exhibit a "bimbo." Browning fumes, "Young lady, I don't think you have any idea who you're speaking to!" And there you go. Liz tosses a glass of bubbly in Browning's face, and while all of the guests and security guards focus their energy on the crazy girl, Max pushes a hapless guest in a tacky suit into the diamond display case which contains the most expensive diamond and slowest slo-mo in the history of the desert southwest. The. Diamond. Flies. Back. And. The. Slow. Continues. Max does a diving roll while the diamond is in the air and comes up with it in his hand. He carries it back to Browning and offers, "I believe this is yours." But he switched the diamonds! And they're out in the car, diamond in hand, driving off. That scene, man. And then, more nookie, which is back-storily interrupted by Slackjaw, who catches them at the bottom of the steps in Liz's house. "Liz! It's two in the morning. Where have you been?" Slackjaw is angry. He glares at Max, I'll-hate-you-in-the-future-ily.
We're back in Utah, and I have a question. I taped this episode on a really crappy VCR and I'm playing it back on a much better VCR, but it appears to my eye that every time we're in Utah, the film stock is a lot more stark and bleached. And I would just find it really amusing if the worldview of the people involved in this show were, in fact, so narrow that Utah was being used as The Foreign Land in the same way Mexico was in Traffic. It would make me really happy, is all. And with Ramirez, they've even got themselves a rank and file Other and everything! Oh, crap. I forgot that we weren't going to talk about that. Rant? Over. Recap? Indefinite.