Roswell
Roswell

Episode Report Card
Djb: C- | 684 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Shut up...mon

Liz is strangely dead. She's back in her dorm room, waking up to find a decidedly-less-monstery-than-Max Maria hovering over her, making her drink an elixir of some kind. Liz lies back, and a cut to Max walking around the campus leads to Liz suddenly snapping awake and remembering, "Max, he's here. I saw him today. I fell down or something and he was standing above me and he kissed me, I think." Maria pats her hair and tells her she was just dreaming and blah. Liz retires to take a shower, first telling Maria, "You are, like, the most special person in the world to me." Please. Never give me that compliment. It's like saying "maybe we should just be friends" to someone who is already just your friend. Y'know? Liz hits the showers, and Maria puts on the aforementioned Marley song that gives this episode its title. Why? She begins swaying. Because she's wearing kind of a Rasta hat, is why. Max walks in behind her and grabs her by the neck. Liz then bursts back into the room and Max hurls Maria onto the bed. The music rages on, until Liz takes off (leaving Maria to die at his hands, if he so chooses) and runs down the hall. ClaytonMax gives chase. This is why the chase music plays. Through hallways. Down steps. Into the Rat. He corners her, finally, and begins choking the life out of her. She reaches out and puts a magic green hand on him, and Max falls to the floor, opening his eyes and asking, "Liz?" And now. He's fine. Or not. He tells Liz, "You have to kill this body. You have to stop Clayton. He'll kill you if you don't." Pause. "Do it." Pause. "DO IT!" Liz raises a golf club that wouldn't kill a golf ball, but it's too late, and more choking ensues. Running. Choking. Cashmere. It's a bacchanal of fancy violence. Liz grabs for a conveniently nearby metal pole and brings it down over his head, and Max picks her up and goes flying with her out the window. The life of the show flashes before their eyes on the way down, a veritable montage of every tertiary character who couldn't get much better work elsewhere. Max. Liz. Alex. The Mom Who Does Laundry. Remember when Maria looked kind of like a boy and kind of like a duck? This montage will bring it all back, baby. They fall in slo-mo, Max snapping out of his exceedingly measured fall just in time to put out a green Jell-O shield and save Liz from slamming through a thatched roof of some kind. Liz lands safely on the green Jell-O in the sky. Max falls through the roof and straight to the ground. Which is kind of okay. The slo-mo broke his fall.

Roswell

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