You're like an angel with the sweetest smile
But when you use it you're one evil child
And that's what brings me back again
We get along but only half the time
The other half you ain't no friend of mine
That's what brings me back again
And then there's a bit more tone-deafness to endure, but Lazar has some more angry faxes to send, so she waits patiently for the song's conclusion and turns the topic to Maria's personal life. "So, Maria, do you drink?" No. "Drugs?" No way. She asks how old Maria is, and Maria retorts, "I just turned eighteen." Lazar shoots back, "Oh, great. That's what you're going to be telling people for the next three years." Hard-boiled! And just then, Michael saunters out of nowhere (hey, doesn't he need a drive-on or something?) to muck things up just as Lazar asks Maria when she can travel. Ooh, to where? "New York. If my people love what we did here, then we'll record the demo over there." Because of how well this show did that city the first time around. Michael asks how long she'll be gone, and Lazar laughs a laugh of provincial hatred, snorting, "Best case scenario? Forever. She can buzz back through this town when the mayor's gonna cut a ribbon for something." Eh?
What appears to be "semaphore flag practice" takes place on the football field, and Max approaches Liz on the otherwise empty bleachers (that semaphore flag squad is in some serious trouble, is it not? With its current viewership of one, I'd say they're going to be cancelled after oh, say, three complete seasons spanning two separate networks) with a book entitled College Interviewing For Morons. Max knows his audience, and promises he's going to help her get into Harvard. They commence a mock interview, where Max asks why Harvard and Liz doesn't cop to "having seen a cute teenage girl wanting to go there on the frighteningly superior Gilmore Girls" and deciding it was the place for her. Instead, she tells a story about an article she read on molecular biology once, which zzzzzzzzzzz. Max smiles wanly; he is of the dumb. Liz asks why Max is helping her, adding, "If I get in, Cambridge is really far away, Max." Well, I think she's found her answer right there, then. Not to mention that with a straight-C average, a prison record, and "short-order waitress" as her only extracurricular activity, he can appear to be the nice guy who can also feel bad for her when a valedictorian class president from Exeter with a 1600 and a gold metal in curling or semaphore just happens to take her slot. Maybe that's why she wants to join the team so badly. Liz helps Max for his help, then gets up to leave. And then she falls down in a faint. She goes to pick up a book, which bursts into flames in her hand. Max notes, "I didn't do that." Liz retorts, "I did. You healed me and now I'm different." Blah blah blah Max is usually the "flaming" one blah.